Sometimes it's hard to believe that among Heavenly Father's millions of children, He hears me. There are so many crying out for help. How is it possible that I am not just another voice? Lately when I pray, I feel as if I'm talking to nobody. I have been pleading for comfort & strength, but none comes. I am feeling weak. Susceptible & vulnerable.
This does not mean I'm giving up. Though sometimes it seems tempting, I am a fighter. Always have been. I have come too far to stop now. Heavenly Father has blessed me so much in these past months. I have felt His love and embrace like I've never felt it before. It's not easily forgotten. Another fights for my soul. He is real and very powerful, but his power is nothing compared to that of my loving Father. So while I may feel empty and alone right now, I haven't forgotten all that He has done for me.
My Bishop has clearly sensed my discouragement. After institute last night I tried to quietly and quickly leave, but didn't manage to escape soon enough. My Bishop pulled me in his office and in the most loving manner said "Don't give up." In that man's office, I couldn't help but feel my Savior's love. I haven't felt that in weeks, and suddenly sent as a ray of hope was His love delivered through my dear Bishop.
He is still refining me. Success is a part life, but so are failures. How else do we grow and become more like Him? It's such a painful process, but the end result will be worth it. In my opinion the past 6 months of my life has been one big miracle. I'm not even asking for a miracle anymore. I just want to feel Him again.
