The Cost of Sin

I've been taught the cost of sin as far back as I can remember. I've had to experience on my own many times of the anguish that brings not only to myself, but to those around me. You would think that after making some severely poor decisions and having to pay the consequences, that one would learn to just steer clear of all things just plain wrong. Unfortunately as humans we are prone to continual error. I am no exception to this rule. Time and time again, I have come up short. In my moments or weakness I have been able to draw comfort from the Atonement and peace from my Savior Jesus Christ. Before one can draw peace, it is necessary to suffer. The suffering must be great enough so that the thought of ever committing this sin ever again makes us shudder. The greater the sin, the greater the hour of darkness, and so much is lost.
In my hour of darkness, I pray that the Lord does not abandon me. I am a slow learner. I have never been the one who is able to draw from others experiences and apply them in my life. This is rather unfortunate for me and all who know me. I have learned the hard way over and over again, and can't help but ask "why?" Why am I so hard headed that I can't just keep it together? My heart aches. My spirit is broken. And it's not over. I will be drained until there is nothing left to give, and only then will the power of the Atonement work the miracles it can. My hope runs low, and my faith is wavering. I can only lean on things I've been taught and vague memories of past experiences. Time heals all wounds. My Heavenly Father loves me and wants what's best for me. He will take care of me. He wants me to be happy.
Hindsight is always 20/20. What's done is done, and I am left... with almost nothing. The cost has been great and I am still paying. Please pray for me. If there has ever been a need for prayers in my whole life, it's now. Know that sin is never worth it. Satan has a way of disguising it and convincing you that it's worth it, but it never ever is.

Motivating or Depressing?

I think we all have the pair of jeans that we either used to fit in back in our slimmer days or a pair that we've bought a couple sizes smaller to motivate us to drop those extra pounds. I actually have several pairs of these jeans, and a number of tops. I've been hanging on to some of these items for as long as 3 years, and am yet to be able to squeeze into them. It has recently occurred to me that as of today I am not any closer to fitting into them, but farther. I can't help but feel wistful about the body of the 19 year old me. 24 year old me, is not so pleasant, let me tell ya.
I am not a dieter. I can't stay motivated long enough to run on a treadmill for more than 2 weeks. I am currently watching some VH1 special on celebrity dieting, and they are showcasing all these diets that certain celebrities have tried. I know you all have had these moments- you have a moment of inspiration and think, "hey, I could do that diet! and I can have that killer body in two months." and then very quickly reality hits you and then you just feel like a fat lardo. You also realize that any diet you do will not leave you with that sexy flat belly in two months, but more likely 1 year. I unfortunately don't have that private chef to whip me up healthy AND delicious meals. I only have me. And i HATE to cook. Quick and Tasty is my motto. And often that adds up to...well my skinny jeans becoming more of a distant memory.
I've always struggled finding motivation to hit the gym. It is boring and monotonous. But I DO enjoy exercise. I love sports. I love dancing. So my new goal is to be more proactive in finding physical activities. As long as I enjoy it, I more likely to continue doing it, right? If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

The Move

Just wanted to give a quick update. I am finally in Tucson!!! It feels a little surreal... and despite living on my own for so long now, I think this move has actually made me feel really grown up. Every place we've lived we've been at least within a few hours of family, and now we're alone in the desert completely on our own! Scary, but exciting. Daniel will finally be home for good on Monday, and I'm glad our long distance relationship is coming to close.
The moving process itself was a nightmare, but when is it not, I suppose? I certainly haven't experienced a smooth move yet. As I mentioned (or maybe I didn't) I decided to go with a moving company called Broadway Express. The deal is, you pack everything and are in charge of loading and unloading the truck. They only handle transport. It was a little more expensive than a u-haul, but less expensive than a full moving company. We really don't have that much stuff to begin with, but the thought of driving a u-haul by myself with my car being towed was absolutely out of the question. Bringing someone along was going to be too complicated, and well I'm a sucker for convenience. I'll fork out the extra cash that I don't have if it will bring a little more peace of mind. Well, I can't say I received the peace of mind I had hoped for. This is partially my fault. While receiving my quotes from Broadway Express they gave me an estimated delivery date time span. I requested that my stuff be picked up on Monday Feb. 9 and the automatic online quote predicted Monday the 16th as the earliest possible delivery date. Perrrrfect. I wanted to take my time and visit friends along the way, and a week was just barely enough time to do that. After my stuff was loaded up in the truck, the driver said he expected to arrive the 13th. Being frazzled and getting ready to head out myself, I hurriedly nodded and got the heck outta there. First stop Southaven Mississippi. I stayed in the scariest hotel ever. It was a Motel 6. If you are ever in Mississippi, steer clear of the Motel 6's. I know they aren't known for their nice rooms, but I was a little disturbed by the blue stained carpet, and the sheets had holes in them and weren't even the fitted kind. It was just the flat sheet you usually sleep UNDER, but they used that as the bed sheet and tucked it in. I realized this as I was pulling back the covers and accidentally pulled off all the bedding. As I did this, I saw a small creepy crawl thing skitter across my bed. Shiver. Really? I have a phobia of insects folks, so this wasn't a pretty scene. Luckily I had requested a double and so I just decided to sleep in the other bed. Just shivered again. I decided it was best to avoid looking or inspecting the bed and to just go to sleep. It was a restless night and I kept thinking insects were crawling up and down my legs. Needless to say, I survived unscathed and unbitten.
Next stop: Beaumont Texas. Beaumont is where my best friend from middle school Holli and her family resides. I stayed two nights and had a great time! We hadn't seen eachother sincer her wedding, which was like...4-5 years ago? We have been through thick and thin together and she is like a sister to me. I got to meet her 3 year old Gabi for the first time, and man she is everything her mother blogs about. :) You can't resist that charm at all! During my stay in Beaumont it occurred to me that the mover had said he would arrive in Tucson on the 13th, which at the time I presumed to be the following Monday...not Friday. I called my driver to confirm this and when he did I told him I wouldn't get their until Friday night and so the earliest I could unload was Saturday morning. He wasn't too pleased with this and neither was I especially since my quote said I had until Monday. After doing a little digging, I found on my FINAL quote that the earliest delivery date did indeed say the 13th. Feeling a little foolish, but still unable to make it to Tucson in time I chaotically sought to make other arrangements so that the delivery could be completed on the 13th and the driver could go and make his other deliveries. Throughout this whole process the driver was very short and rude. I did manage to make the arrangements and informed my driver that somebody from my church would be able to meet him to unload the stuff, and the my apartment complex agreed to unlock the door for them and also sign for the delivery. I told the driver that the guy helping us would be there at 9 am. The driver responded very rudely that he wanted to get there at 8. I told him unfortunately my apartment complex office doesn't open until 9 so there wouldn't even be anywhere to put the stuff if he got there at 8. Aside from that, Broadway Express gives you 3 hours to unload, and it certainly wasn't going to take three hours. 1 hour TOPS. Well he was VERY upset by this information and hung up on me and my husband. WOW. I couldn't believe he was freaking out about starting an hour later when the unloading wasn't going to even take that long and he knew it. I couldn't believe how rude this guy was to us, and any hopes of him getting any kind of tip at all went out the window and I don't feel bad about it. So if you're planning on moving I don't recommend Broadway Express. It wasn't worth the money, and the customer service is terrible.
Anyways, once that was somewhat resolved my next stop was San Antonio, TX! I stayed with relatives that I haven't seen since I was a baby, and while I was nervous to meet them, I'm very glad that I decided to stop and see them. I met my cousin Marie who is a couple of years older than me and I just love her. She is so sweet and smart, and I wish we lived closer so we could hang out! I also got to see some very good friends from BYU- Alex and Monica. Alex introduced Daniel and I, and so we love him! I got to meet Monica face to face and she is so beautiful and funny, and it is now my mission to convince them to move to Tucson so that the four of us can hang out all the time. They took me to downtown San Antonio and showed me a few of the sites. It is an amazing city with so much history and beauty. I wish I could've had more time to appreciate what San Antonio has to offer. I definitely plan on going back with Daniel so that we can enjoy it together.
Final stops: Artesia, NM to pick up Daniel and continued to Tucson, AZ. What an exhausting day for both of us. Bless Daniel's heart, after a long day at work he drove straight to Tucson. I fought to stay awake, but the last couple of hours the battle was lost.
So now here I am. My apartment is complete chaos, but is slowly coming together. I managed to lose my 130 dollar bluetooth and my digital camera during the trip, but I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. We have accumulated quite a bit more debt from moving. Moving does that folks. It sucks. It really does, but it's all worth it. I'm together with my husband, the most wonderful loving patient man on this earth, and I am happy. I am currently looking for a part time job and will hopefully get financial aid to start back at school this summer term at Pima Community College. This was supposed to be a quick update, but has become very long winded. I apologize. I shouldn't let such a big lapse in my blogging happen again :)

Why is moving so expensive?

Just when you think you are starting to get back on your feet, another major expense punches ya in the gut. I know moving is expensive, but c'mon. I booked services with a company called Broadway Express. You basically pack everything yourself, you are given 4 hours to load the truck, and they just do the driving of the goods from door to door. They provide all the ramps, dollies, blankets, straps, tie downs etc. It takes about 5-7 business days for delivery, but you stay in contact with the trucker the whole time so that you know where your "life' is. Sounds pretty good, right? Well here are the reasons for my stress: I didn't pack things as well as I should have. There are open boxes with miscellaneous items popping out that definitely need to be repacked. I also have a number of loose items that should probably also be put into a more uniform shaped box. Towards the end of packing, I was getting tired of Wal Mart trips and buying more boxes. I never had enough for some reason. I am also concerned that I didn't pack fragile items as carefully as I should've. I was originally planning on takin a Uhaul myself and driving my own stuff and therefore knew that my goods would be safe. Now that I'm sending all of my belongings in a semi truck that doesn't have quite the smooth ride that typical moving trucks would have, I fear the ride might be rough and things might break. I am also concerned about loading and unloading. I'm praying I have enough help both ways that I can get the job done in the time alotted to me, but I'm also concerned because I only have so much space and if I go over that reserved space it could cost quite a bit extra. I've also read many reviews about making sure to pack the truck carefully so that things don't shift and therefore break. Have I ever done this before? No. That worries me. I am also concerned about how a big semi is going to access my tiny storage unit in Gallipolis and then my apartment complex in Tucson. I don't think it's possible for a semi to pull into my complex without blocking numerous tenants in, which I'm sure won't fly. I'm hoping maybe someone kind in my new ward will bring a pick up truck to assist with this issue, but that might not be possible. Aside from figuring out all the details, Broadway Express's services are going to cost me a little under $1700. AGH. shoot me. There were other options that would've allowed me to spend a little less, and still many others that would cost much more. After weighing all the pros and cons, I decided Broadway was my best bet. I hope I'm right. I'm trying to elminate a little more stress, but paying a higher price. I can only hope it goes as smooth as possible. I'll keep ya posted. I will be on the road as of Mon. Feb 9 or Feb 10 at the latest. My first stop will be in Birmingham, AL and then I'll stop for a copule nights in Beaumont, TX to visit my bff Holli!! We haven't seen each other in 5 years I think... I can't wait to see her :) Friday I'll pick up my husband and then we'll finish our trip together to Tucson. I have a long drive ahead of me, but I'm glad I get to break it up a little with some fun.