In Our Hands

If there is one thing I've learned in life, it's to love openly despite the risk of a broken heart and to have no fear in expressing your love. It's better to have said too much, than not have said enough and look back and wonder if what you said might've made the difference. Opposition is necessary for life to exist. A broken heart is necessary to truly know joy. We must be pushed to the edge in order for us to grow stronger. We must stand in the shadows before we find the sunshine.

Unforunately in life, we can't "pass" on the suffering part of life. It's a package deal. We chose to come to this earth to recieve a body so that eventually we may be queens and kings in the life to come. This life will equip us with the knowledge, and more importantly personal experiences necessary to achieve this most desirous glory. We are brought here to succeed, not to fail. So while you may feel worn down and that the odds are against you, the success is in your hands. Not even God can make your choices for you because it goes against everything that He is. I know what it feels like to have the odds against you. It still feels that way sometimes. I just have to remind myself, we are not here to fail.

The battles that may rage in our souls are there for a purpose. It teaches us humility and bring us closer to God, if we let it. The moments when we feel all is lost... it really isn't. Be patient with God's timing. I have a feeling He knows a little more than we do here on Earth. I am not perfect. I am not always the example I should be. I never make my bed. I hate cleaning the bathroom. I have a bad temper and often in my anger I say cruel things to the people I love. And I'm not the best about saying my prayers or reading my scriptures everyday, but I fight the battle everyday the best I can. Some days are simply better than others. I have many unanswered questions. I have a weight on my shoulders that is hardly noticeable one day and then too heavy to bear the next. But I do know that one day, all will be revealed. Peace and happiness will reign free over all. There will be an explanation for all things that right now leave us often frustrated and confused to say the least. I live by this hope. In my moments of darkness, it's the hope of light that keeps me going. This life is a tiny speck on the timeline of Eternity. I continue because I know that all the struggles, all the tears and pain in this short lifetime will all be worth Eternal happiness. Exaltation. The success lies in our hands.

The World Keeps Turning

Change is an awesome thing. I've been blessed in my life to see many places, meet many people... I've had quite a range of experiences good and bad which have all strengthened me and shaped me. I embrace a new adventure, and the thought of the unknown scares and excites me all at the same time. I think Daniel and I are really going through with this new job in AZ. This is definitely going to be a rollercoaster ride as we try to get ready to move... again! What a pain! We barely moved to Ohio this past October. We haven't been here a year, and now we're packing up and moving back across the country. A nice short easy move might be nice for once, but eh, that's life. I was pondering the other day... why did we even come to Ohio? When truthful with myself, I know my intentions were to be near my family and friends. For some reason I felt a need to come back. Conveniently OSU has an excellent dental school, and even more conveniently Daniel had family as well that convinced him why it would be good for him to go to school here. Everything made sense. Everything fell into place. I just knew I'd be so much happier in Ohio than I was in Washington. I would have family and friends I could be around and life would be grand. Sheesh, at 23 I'm still naive... :) Just as we moved here my dad got a job in Indiana and my parents have been trying to move ever since. There isn't much time for family get togethers. There are constant house showings, fixing this, fixing that, prepping my brother for his mission, getting ready for graduation for the other brother... Lots going on. I'm happy for my family and all the exciting changes they're going through, but there move certainly wasn't in my plans! My best friend in Cincinnati, who I miss dearly, is a nurse at a hospital and works the nightshift. So between the guy she is dating and her insane work schedule, we haven't exactly had all the hangout time I had hoped for. I know, I'm the married one! I'm the one that should be busy with my new life, and I am... but I sure miss having girls night, or just laying around the house with my family. Daniel is my reason for sanity. The thought of being away from him for even a night literally traumatizes me. I just really miss having friends. I do realize as I'm typing this, that I must sound like a loser... well I guess that doesn't fall short of what I really feel like. My best friends one by one seem to get busier and busier, and we talk less and less. My best friend in Pittsburgh doesn't even talk to me at all. Is it still appropriate to call her my best friend? In my heart it still feels like she is, but I can't pretend it hasn't hurt me to be shut out. Sometimes it feels like I'm really fighting a one sided battle.



But aside from the lonliness I've been feeling recently, I do want to express feelings about one particular friend. She is the one I've known for the longest period of time. We've been bestfriends since 7th grade. We've had our ups and downs and after her wedding we didn't speak for a 2-3 years. I just want her to know how sorry I am, for not being there during that time. I don't think I want to ever really go into the details, nor do I think that it's important, but I hope she knows I never stopped thinking about her. I let my pride get in the way of our friendship, and since we've reconnected I've felt even more remorse for what I did. I missed out on her little girl being born and who knows what else. We've always been connected at the soul. A girl that I worked with said that about one of her best friends, and it made me remember how I had said the exact same thing about my friend many many times. I still feel that way. Even after years of not speaking, the moment we reconnected it's like we picked up where we had left off. She knew me, and I knew her. Out of all of my friends, she probably has the busiest schedule, but she makes time to let me know that she's thinking of me and cares. I am so eternally grateful for friends like her, and I promise to never take it for granted again. While the likelihood of us being neighbors for the rest of our lives and our children growing up together are slim to none, I can still hope! :) Thank you for always being there. You have always been able to relate to whatever it was I was going through. You always understood, or at least were really good at faking it! You were my rock through those rough puberty years.. haha. My love of skater boys must've stuck with me, because I married one! Thanks for soooo many memories. And I really am sorry about the vaseline on your car... if I ever find out who did it, I still will kick their butts! We had some amazing times in Ohio and in Tenessee. I will always cherish the times we spent together. I love you. There is no doubt in my mind that in a previous life we were close. We are connected in a way that I think few people experience. And for that, I am truly blessed.

P.S. we're not sad about getting our picture taken, just sad because my visit to TN is over and I have to fly back to Ohio. :(

Baby Fever

It's official. I have baby fever. Daniel and I have planned our life quite to a tee when it comes to starting our family, and while in my head I am very much all about sticking to the plan, EVERYBODY i know seems to have recently had a child or is pregnant and having a baby. Little cute angels/monsters running around everywhere. Honestly, Holli's blog does not help one bit... I get this giddy feeling inside everytime I read a cute story about her beautiful daughter Gabi. I want cute stories too!!! I know ultimately I'm still not quite ready... close, but not yet. Plans have changed, and family beginnings is sooner than Daniel and I had originally planned, but that makes it all the more desireable. Just a little up to dater, Daniel may be seeking a career change. He is interested in working for a company in AZ. This is wonderful because they would pay for his schooling. It's a good paying job with boundless opportunities. I would no longer have to work!!! (that is my favorite part) and we can start a family. (ok, that's my favorite part too). To be perfectly honest, Gallipolis has been a great place for us... but I'm ready to blow this joint! We would like to ultimately end up in Tucson, AZ in a sweet community called Rancho Sahuarita. Check it out. www.ranchosahuarita.com It is the 8th largest master planned community in the United States. And we would be near relatives, which is equally awesome. We still have a while before we know for sure if this is a go, but I have good feelings about it that's for sure. And I still have baby fever!