Hello August

Well, I can't believe I'm actually doing it. I received my orientation packet from Rio Grande and will be starting school Aug. 25. On Tuesday Aug 5 I'll be going to Canada for 10 days to visit my mother in law. I'm pretty excited about it especially since we are going to take a little road trip to Banff, which is supposed to be extremely beautiful. It'll be nice to get away for a bit, though I keep having these fears that Daniel is going to starve without me here. I don't know why I think that... I suppose it makes me feel like I'm needed for his survival, which realistically I know not to be true. Nevertheless, it some odd sense it soothes me.

I keep waiting for something to go wrong in the next few weeks that prevents me from going back to school, and I almost hope for it. As eager as I am to go back, I feel like my mind has turned to mush over the years, and I keep thinking I'm not going to be able to keep up in my classes. Where do all these feelings of self doubt come from??? I was always a fairly capable student, never a genius, but certainly did well enough. A few bumps in the road, and suddenly I feel like a fool who should just accept the life I've led to be the life I'll always have to live with.

Pride keeps me going. And for whatever fuel it costs, I just want to finish school. No more banking please! I know God has His plan for me, but I just would like to enlightened on it. I hope I'm doing the right thing for me and for my family. If I'm not, I'm sure running out of ideas. So here's for Plan A... wish me luck!