God Be With You Til We Meet Again

Have you ever been in a place so dark, you felt there was just no point continuing on anymore? I've had some dark moments in my life- even moments when I wished that I didn't have to face another day.

My dear friend Lianne passed away a couple of nights ago. Life had become too dark for her. I think of all the suffering I've endured in my life, the pain that I thought would end my life single handedly, and I realized that I'm still here. I can't fathom the pain Lianne must've dealt with, how completely empty and alone she must have felt to take her own life. She was the sweetest, kindest person I knew. She always saw the good in people. She judged no one. She befriended homeless people. She was an example to all of what the "pure in heart" looked like in action.

At this time, I am grateful for the gospel in my life. It has seen me through thick and thin. My Savior has been The One I could always rely on. I'm grateful for a merciful God who I know will take care of my good friend. Though my heart breaks to know our earthly experiences together are over, I know I will see her again. And more than anything- she is at peace. In a life that was too difficult to bear, I truly believe that a heavy burden has been lifted from her heart. I ache at the thought that I could've done more to help her, but all I can do is trust in my Heavenly Father and Savior to take care of her. I love you Lianne. God be with you til we meet again.

Tragedy Strikes

Is God testing my patience? Maybe my faith perhaps? Well whatever it is, I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry. Let me explain.

I've been receiving these different documents from Valparaiso University concerning the nursing program. All of them stated I would be entering Fall of 2010. I found this concerning because I know the accelerated program begins every May. I wasn't sure how this could possibly be an issue since I had applied for the accelerated program, and nothing else. But just for peace of mind I emailed the Dean to inquire about my status. Well good thing I did. I've been accepted to the regular BSN program. So in essence instead of finishing in 15 mos it will be a 2-3 year program. I'm not sure on exactly how long it takes. Let me further go on to say that VU's tuition is $30,000/year. I am not sure I want to get into possibly $90,000 in debt to have a BSN. Especially when I desire to go on to get my masters in anesthesia and that isn't going to be cheap either. It occurred to me that completing all of my goals as a nurse would take just as long as if I went pre med or pre dental, and at this rate it's going to cost me the same amount of money. So what do I do? I'm not sure.

Nursing appeals to me because I will have a job no matter where I go. There are opportunities all over the world. I would love to spend some time as an international travel nurse, even if just means volunteering for a month. I think the experience would be priceless.

I have little patience right now. I feel like I screwed around for so long. There are so many things I want to do, places I want to see, memories I want to make, and I feel like my schooling or lack thereof is interfering. Oh well, trust in God, and all will be well, right? Oh, I sure hope so. Not all hope is lost. If a slot opens up in the accelerated program I will be notified is what I've been told. A small comfort, but a comfort nonetheless. :)

I Bleed Blue

It's finals week. Last push of the semester... here we go. One final complete, three to go. Strange during the most annoying week of the school year, I am missing BYU. Strange only because finals week at BYU would be far more torturous than here at PNC. Don't get me wrong, PNC is a good school, but... well it's a little bland here. I miss BYU's beautiful campus. The unique buildings. And most of all the diversity. There is NO diversity here. This is something I never minded growing up, actually I never noticed it. I didn't know any different. Something about BYU just feels like home. The likelihood of me returning is pretty much zero, but if I could rewind, I would never have left. I miss dancing in ROC (a multicultural dance group) as horrifying as it was for me. I was painfully shy during that time, but I can't deny it was an amazing experience. Some unforgettable memories were created during my time at BYU. It's hard not to look back. It will always be close to my heart, but I plan on creating many more exciting new memories. Hopefully those memories include traveling... hehe but we shall see!

Accepted!

Just thought I'd share my good news. I received my admissions letter from Valparaiso University, and I have been accepted into their accelerated nursing program beginning this May! I am still hoping to get into MUSC, but I'm just grateful I got accepted into a program period. Heavenly Father has truly blessed me. It still amazes me the outpouring of blessings I've been given despite my lack of deserving. I am humbled by His perfect love and the blessing of a continuous Atonement.

Tonight was the Christmas Devotional. I am grateful to have a living prophet to live and guide us. I often take for granted that we've been blessed with these inspired leaders. I've grown up in this gospel and tend to overlook these tremendous blessings because they have just become "the norm" for me. Where would I be without this truth? Someone would have me believe that I'd be more free. Free from the burden of the knowledge of truth. Free to do whatever I wanted without the guilt. He is incredibly persuasive and deception is his strength (understatement of the year). But is happiness living a lie? Is ignorance really bliss? No it isn't. Joy comes in following the perfect plan that has been laid before us by an all knowing Father in Heaven who wants nothing more than our happiness and for us to return Home. Truth does not restrict. Truth gives life. It opens doors that you would have never known existed, and behind those doors are blessings beyond what we could imagine. When we feel discouraged, let us not be quick to forget what we've been blessed with because of the truth.

Another Semester Down

Almost! In exactly 2 weeks I will be done with another semester of classes and finals. Hallelujah! It's feels like yesterday I just started classes. Though during some moments the days felt unbearably long, these past few months have flown by. My application has gone into Valparaiso University and I will be sending out my Medical University of South Carolina application in about a month. I'm mildly stressed out about getting accepted, but I know things will work out. Even if that means I get rejected from both schools, that just means there is another route for me to take. I will be extremely disappointed if I don't get accepted (preferably by MUSC), but such is life and I've experienced worse, and life goes on regardless.

I'm currently volunteering at the hospital. Tomorrow will be my 2nd day. So far it seems simple enough... I was slightly overwhelmed when they told me all the things I could be doing, not that it sounded difficult, but I wasn't sure I would remember all of it. I am probably over thinking it. I am volunteering in the ER. I make calls to discharge patients for half the time that I'm there and survey their experience, and the rest of the time I do hospitality type stuff, run specimen to lab, and I guess whatever the Charge Nurse needs me to do.

Next semester is going to be even crazier than this semester. I will be attending two schools bc my school didn't offer two of the classes I needed. I will be taking Human Development, Composition II, General Chem, Microbiology, and Anatomy & Physiology II. 18 credit hours total- should be blast! Pray that I don't burn out! I will definitely be making the most of my break. I think a trip out of town is in order :)

Chuckle

So I don't have much time to write all the exciting happenings of my life... or the lack thereof, but I do have time to post random videos that made me giggle. My dad thinks it's a set up, but eh, who cares? I thought it was funny. Enjoy!

October Update

Well my blog is turning into a once a month thing, but I figure one post is better than none. Not much blogging perhaps because I don't feel like there is much to report, and also spare time isn't easy to come by these days. Between school and work I stay pretty busy. My classes are going well, I enjoy my job ( most days haha ) and I'm going to start volunteering at the local hospital. I'm beginning to work on nursing school applications. It doesn't feel like reality. While the days seem to creep by, time really is flying. Who knows where I'll be in a year, but I'm hoping for Charleston. I'll be submitting an application to Medical University of South Carolina, Valparaiso University and a couple schools in Portland, Oregon. I'm so excited!!! I'm not sure where the Lord wants me to be, so I'm working on trying to figure that. But I am really really hoping for once His plan is aligned with mine.... but reality is, it probably isn't. Well, whatever it is, I'm definitely going with His plan, and not mine. Seems like the smart thing to do ;)

Well the weather here in NW Indiana has quickly chilled. Can I just say, I HATE the cold. I hate having to get out from under the covers when it's cold. I hate getting into a freezing cold car and touching a freezing cold steering wheel. I hate trudging between buildings to get from class to class and having to endure an ice cold wind that feels like it's cutting at my face. But I suppose the cold does mean snow is coming and this year I've decided would be the year I learn how to ski. Sadly I've never skied before despite living in Utah several winters. Now that I'm in Indiana and have to make an out of the way trip to do some real skiing, I finally decide to do it. Well, it gives me a good excuse to head up to Idaho to visit my Rexburg friends.

As for life in general... I'm doing good. I would never have made it this far if it weren't for all the friends and family I have supporting me. I am learning and growing into the person I've always wanted to be. I've been able to step back and look at my life and recognize weaknesses that have brought so many problems. They were problems that were so deeply rooted and seemed impossible to overcome, and I'm overcoming them one by one. My Savior has been my anchor. With Him the impossible has become possible. I can't properly express my gratitude, but the gospel has changed my life and continues to do so. Sometimes you think life is ending, but often it's just beginning. My new beginning has been a precious gift. It hasn't been easy and I've slipped here and there, but who doesn't? Our Heavenly Father knew we wouldn't be perfect, but He doesn't care about that. What He does care about is that we continue to move forward. And that I can do.