Hurricane Gustav

To all those being evacuated on the Gulf Coast, we pray for you. It was only a few years ago that Hurricane Katrina and Rita hit destroying the lives of so many. Only 3 years later after the slow process of rebuilding and rehabilitation, another hurricane is threatening to take it all away again. Meteorologists are calling Gustav the "Storm of the Century". For those of you who don't know, Hurricane Rita was a level 5 hurricane but touched land at a level 3. Katrina was the same story. Currently Gustav is being considered a level 4 and officials fear it will be a level 5 when it makes landfall.
I have been blessed to never have endured such a disaster, but one of my best friend's town is being evacuated and my heart goes out to her and her family. Hurricane's are very unpredictable and right now government officials are doing their best to take necessary precautions to protect it's citizens, but this is easier said than done. Like most of us, there are many families that don't have the financial means to just pick up and leave. While there are many shelter's being provided and free transportation to those in need, it is still a major financial burden to all. Families are being forced to take as much as they can in fear if they don't they'll lose it all. They are leaving jobs behind which means leaving behind an income. Some are in disbelief that another major hurricane could hit the same are twice. Some are better prepared this second time around... many are just barely recovering from three years ago. There is a clear battle between despair and hope.
To all of us who have never had to go through a natural disaster, we will quite possibly never understand what it feels like to be in that position. The fear, anger, frustration, and the insurmountable stress these people are faced with. Please please pray for them. They need our prayers more than ever.

Life of a Dog Sitter

So for the past couple of weeks Daniel and I have been dog-sitting my parents two lovely pups. One is a Pointer and the other one is a Maltese, which actually used to be my dog, but between Daniel and I hardly being home we thought he'd be happier with my parents. Toby (the Maltese) is a sweet dog. He's got a very independent personality, but for the most part is obedient and submissive to his masters. Sure he's got an annoying submissive tinkling problem, but a doggie diaper took care of that issue very easily. Maggie on the other hand is a ball of trouble. She has more energy then can be harnessed. If you try taking on her walks she will just drag you the whole time. I can certainly attribute this to a lack of training, but nevertheless it is incredibly annoying and tiresome. She also has a nasty habit of going completely psycho whenever someone she doesn't know is close by. Whether it be someone coming into the home or walking by on the sidewalk she wants to jump all over them. It can be kind of intimidating, especially to a nice young couple enjoying their Saturday evening pushing their brand new baby in a stroller. Every time I take the dogs out to potty I find myself sputtering "I'm sorry's" at least 3 or 4 times to random strangers as Maggie tries to attack them. Of course she is harmless and is super friendly. Just a little too friendly. Another thing about Maggie is that she is Sneaky. So maybe I'm a little bit tough and not as generous with the treats. If I'm going to give a treat, I expect a trick. So today I made Toby do his tricks and then gave him his treat. Then I turned to Maggie and she wouldn't do her tricks so I put the treat away and went about my business. Actually I was reading blogs when I hear this crunching noise. Like a dog eating a biscuit crunching noise. I follow the sound and there Maggie is chowing down on a biscuit. Treat box is wide open and obviously Maggie and dug her snout down there and picked a few out herself. Take that, huh? Funny thing is I noticed that the box seemed unusually low. It was a brand new box and I've only given them a few since I've had them... hmmm... and the dog outsmarts it's master!

First Day

Well I survived my first day of school and it was breeze. My first class is Biology and I have it with 4 of my relatives. Pretty sweet. Sure they're all 7 or 8 years younger than me, but who cares! Next I have Algebra and Composition which I have with one of my cousin's friends. So I don't feel completely awkward. One of the girls in my class did ask me how old I was and when I answered with a proud "23!" she giggled and said "whoooaaa!" Whoa? What is that supposed to mean? "Well, how old are YOU?" She responded, "16" Awesome. That's ok though, I hold my head up high and reach into my pink backpack to pull out my ultra cool brown and orange striped notebook. I picked it out very carefully at Wal Mart.
Being back on a college campus has reminded me how out of shape I am. Sure it's not nearly as bad as when I was at BYU. If any of you have ever had to climb those hills south of campus you know what I'm talking about. I remember thinking to myself quite honestly that there was no way I could continue climbing those steps every single day. You've got at least 10 people climbing those steps around you and they seem to be doing just fine, so you try to keep the panting to a minimum and breathe as quietly as possible to avoid embarrassing stares and the occasional "Move it or lose it fatty!" Ok that last part was an exaggeration, but you can't help but feel a little self conscious. It wasn't until two weeks after school started that I realized there was a much gentler climbing slope that took about twice as long to climb but quite a bit less traumatizing and agonizing.
Good news though, I forced my way into that Anatomy/Physiology class. The professor was really hesitant to add me because I hadn't completed my Biology course yet and Chemistry was another pre-req which I hadn't taken either. But I persisted and told her I really really needed this class and after looking at her class roster and seeing only 10 students enrolled, she conceded. Phew! With 17 credit hours I'm gonna be a busy girl, but I think I'm a little more prepared this time around. That's right folks, it only took me a few tries, but I'm back in school and sooo excited!

Freshman Year (Take 2 and... Action!)

So it is official! I registered for classes today, submitted my financial aid, bought my way too heavy books, and most importantly feel extremely nervous and stressed. Starting school wouldn't be complete without that last one :) I have less than a week before classes start and I got into all of my classes except one. I'll have to go to the professor personally to see if she will add me to her class. I'm crossing my fingers because I sure don't need anymore setbacks. There is still this little voice in my head whispering "Are you sure you want to do this?" The voice of reason answers back "YES!" But that insecurity still never completely disappears. Brick walls aren't meant to keep us out... they're there for us to prove how badly we want something, right? (Thanks to Randy Pausch for that one)
On the note of insecurity I did feel somewhat out of place. It seemed like everywhere I looked there were prepubescent teenagers and I felt like the old "grandma" that comes back to get more education. Ok I know realistically I probably don't stick out that bad, but I started thinking maybe I need to resort back to wearing t shirts and pajama pants just to feel comfortable. I do have a bright pink backpack! ...I'm not sure if that's even cool... hmmm actually I'm sure it's not, but oh well.

Insulted

Church was rough today. I was having a pleasant morning with a nice spiritual feeding until Relief Society. One of our new converts approached me and asked me if I'd talked to my friend.

I guess I better start with some background info. During my Sunday to teach in Relief Society I had shared some personal information about one of my best friends who is struggling with the church. She is someone I hold very near and dear to my heart and I think about her everyday and pray for her constantly hoping that I might find a way to help her find her way. She is also a convert (baptized while I was at BYU) and she is an incredible person and friend.

Needless to say, after my lesson that day I had several approach me, imparting their personal experiences and wisdom. I appreciated everyone's concern and it touched me greatly to feel their love for someone they didn't even know that I love so much. Well this one particular new convert came to me with a message, that to be honest I can't even really remember everything that was said. I remember thinking it was strange, but understood her intentions were pure. She said something about my friend needing to hear a message from me. She said there was somebody important in her life or about to come into her life and that she needed to pay attention. That's about all I remember. Well anyways, this sister approached me today and asked me if I had talked to my friend. I responded telling her I hadn't talked to her for a while since I had been out of town. I surely wasn't expecting what came next. This sister proceeded to scold me. She actually appeared angry with me! She started saying how I should have called her, and it's a shame that I didn't pass on the message because the Lord really wanted her to hear it and now she might miss out some important thing in her life basically because of me. I was completely mortified.

First of all the subject of my friends is a very very touchy subject for me. I have had many sleepless nights and cried many tears over my friends who have distanced themselves from the church. This is not something I've really shared openly before, but I carry a guilt on my shoulders for their actions. I know ultimately their decisions are theirs and I can't force them to do anything. This is Satan's way not our Heavenly Fathers, but I look back on some of the poor decisions I made and the example I was and I feel so much shame. I just can't shake the "what if?" My testimony has grown so much and despite so many many mistakes I've been blessed beyond I could've comprehended a couple years ago. There's nothing I want more than that true eternal happiness that I know is within all of our grasps. I want my friends to reap the rewards I am just now beginning to experience for myself.

I was so hurt to be so openly judged like that in front of the other sisters. I tried to respond as positively as possible, especially being in the Relief Society Presidency I feel quite a bit more pressure to be an example... who knows I might've said something I would've regretted. But her remarks really hurt me and as soon as I got out of church I broke down. I could hardly pay attention the rest of the meeting. I know Satan was working on me hard today. He wants so badly for me, for everyone, to feel worthless. Even though I know Satan was the author of these negative feelings, I couldn't help but direct my anger towards this sister. I wanted to confront her and tell her that she had no idea the half of it. And how dare she accuse me of something she didn't know anything about! I wanted her to know that I am a good friend and don't just toss my friends to the back burner because I'm busy. And then even worse I wanted to make her feel bad. I wanted to correct her and make her feel stupid. This was my pride really kicking in. I wanted to tell her that no one was entitled to any inspiration for my friend except for herself and her spiritual leaders. Not even myself and especially not someone who doesn't know her is going to receive revelation for her. And then I wanted to tell her to take her "inspirations" and well... keep it to herself. AAAAHHH!!! I know I know it's horrible. I probably shouldn't have written those last few sentences, but I guess I needed to get it out.
I know she meant no harm and so I decided it's not really worth me confronting her about it. She's a new convert and I'd hate to be the one to drive her away from something so important. It just wasn't worth it. For a moment there I didn't think my pride was worth sacrificing, but it is. I just pray this is a one time event... I don't know how else to handle this.

A Girl and Her Camera (Banff National Park)

Home Sweet Home

My husband is fabulous. Last night he picked me up from the airport even though my flight didn't come in until midnight and it is over a 2 hour drive home and he had to work the next day. I offered to drive home so he could rest, but he could tell I was totally pooped out from flying all day and refused to let me drive. I tried to be a trooper and stay up to keep him company but the last 45 minutes I passed out. Well as soon as I walk in the door I go into our bedroom and there is this!


The note basically says how much he missed me and how being at home by himself helped him to realize all the little things he missed about me... so he left me some more notes throughout our apartment for me to find later. So Daniel just left for work and the first thing I did when he stepped out the door was look in every nook and cranny until I found every note he had left me. I was trying to downplay my excitement, but what can I say? I'm a sucker for a little romance. :) I don't know if I found all of them but I think I found most of them! Here's just a few!







I know... I'm lucky.

Homeward Bound

Well my trip has come to a close. Tomorrow I'll be flying home and I couldn't be happier. I had a fabulous trip and got to see some beautiful places. I'll post pictures later. Right now I'm really feeling good about my decision to come out here. I was really hesitant about leaving my husband for that long... you could say I'm a little attached to that guy :) But I've had a great time with my in laws, and my mother in law is so great about showing me how to have fun and helping me forget my stresses of everyday life. Banff was incredible and taking in all the beautiful sights there and at Lake Louise just put me in awe of this wonderful earth that we live on. As one of my favorite old EFY songs says, "It passes all my understanding how the world turned out just right..." from the majesty of the canyons, to the beautiful powerful bodies of water that surround us, and all other things great and small. There truly is a God and I cannot deny it. We did a short hike through Johnson Canyon and I couldn't stop smiling. I had this feeling of peace and love overwhelm me. There were so many trees and more waterfalls than I could count and tunnels and canyon walls washed smooth. I feel my Savior's love. He made this for me. For us all.

I am especially glad to be heading home to my sweet sweet husband. He has been a wonderful support to me and I'm so glad he pushed me to come on this trip. He knew I needed it more than I realized. Being away from him certainly does make the heart grow fonder. I've come to realize again and again just how lucky I am to have found him. I am far from perfect and often fall short from being the wife he deserves, but he always treats me like a queen. I am looking forward to not sleeping alone! I remember a woman telling me she took comfort in hearing her husband snore, that it put her to sleep. I thought she was surely crazy, but I can kind of understand where she's coming from now. So i suppose next time my husband's snoring wakes me up I should be slower to pass a swift punch to the arm... I'm not in very good control of my actions when woken up. Good thing I have a patient husband! aaahhh.... home her I come.

To Be Perfected

(Artwork by Greg Olsen titled "Forgiven")


Well it's been 2 weeks since I lost my job and it seems like it's gone by so fast, yet I feel like it's been years since I've had a job. I'm still trying to decide if I enjoy this jobless lifestyle. Don't get me wrong, there's is nothing more pleasant than waking up in the morning feeling relaxed and not competing for the shower with my husband. I do find quite a bit of pleasure in knowing I actually do have enough time in the day to do the things I need to do plus take some time for myself. For some reason I can't seem to just let it be in my mind. I've worked for so long that I tend to feel useless and that I'm somehow not contributing like I should. This guilt manages to sit in the back of my mind, never really leaving. The only thing that keeps me sane is my rationalization that I'm going back to school and shouldn't work so that I can really focus on my studies and long term it'll make things much better for my family and I. Still I find myself torn fighting between ration and guilt. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the exact place I was 5 years ago. At least then I had time on my side. Where did all the time go, by the way? I'm 23 and starting over. Some may say I'm not really that old and still have plenty of time ahead. Well it's hard to see it that way when you had so many plans for yourself and of course that ideal time frame every Mormon girl sets for herself.

I suppose it's a lack of faith on my part. Someone very wise once told me that if we could see the whole big picture of what Heavenly Father has in store for us we would be more than eager to comply, but that's unfortunately not what this life is about. Sometimes we act on faith expecting a certain outcome and when that exact outcome doesn't come about in the time frame that we expected we get upset. Sometimes there is even a negative outcome and we say "Well Heavenly Father, I did what you wanted me to do, and this is what I get?" In our imperfect understanding, we can easily become bitter and frustrated. We lose faith and start to rely on our own judgment solely. We start to become prideful by placing trust in what we think is best for ourselves. We all know how this story ends. Yet some of us hard headed mortals keep falling into this trap, myself not excluded. I'm always amazed by those people who never seem to waver. It seems so simple superficially. Follow God and you'll be happy. I know this to be true, but somehow I still fall short. As I think about it more I know I wasn't sent here to be perfect. Quite the opposite actually. I was sent here to make mistakes. Backwards? Maybe. I was sent here to make mistakes so that I can become perfected. How else do we get there? Phew... God sure has his work cut out for Him with me. :)

Tomorrow I leave for Canada. Back in 10 days!