Sometimes I feel like I make this blog way too personal, but it's my best outlet. So again I apologize for any discomfort my entries may cause, but you have the right not to read it.
I feel like I'm back at square one. My heart is shattered in a million pieces. It's so painful, it's almost numbing. Not numb enough. I was going about my life, doing fine and feeling hopeful about my future. I was starting to feel okay without Daniel in my life. I still missed him, but I was at peace. That peace has been yanked out from under my feet, and I've fallen flat on my face. My dear friends out of love for me have informed me that Daniel is currently in a relationship. Apparently he posted it officially on facebook.
I have removed Daniel from my facebook for a reason. I didn't want to know what was going on in his life and I didn't want to see how happy he was without me. But most of all I didn't want to ever ever hear about him with another girl. It would destroy me. I thought removing him from my facebook would protect me from finding out such things, but I didn't take into consideration our 60 some mutual friends. When the first friend approached me about it, I thought surely she must be wrong. Or maybe he was just posting that he was in a relationship to upset me. I couldn't imagine that he had moved on so quickly hardly a month after our divorce is final. A glutton for punishment, I had to call him for sure to find out.
Of course the conversation was lovely as usual. I was so angry, hurt, confused, jealous... I had to get off the phone before I had a nervous breakdown. And a breakdown I did have. I don't know how to feel or what to think. My heart is so completely broken. I knew that this day would come... I just didn't expect it to be so soon. I know I have to deal with it, and hurting is part of the process, but the pain is exhausting. I want Daniel to be happy. I really do. I just can't stop wishing that it would be with me. I have destroyed the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Will the pain ever fade?
Mormon Batallion 175 year Anniversary
1 week ago
1 comments:
Cyd, I already shared my opinion with you about this. And, I really stand by my instincts. But, I just want you to know how blessed you are to have a strong support system to get you through this hard time. We all love you!!! And, you will get through this and more. All this new changes, initally, will hurt. But, through time, patience, and perserverance, you will grow and the pain WILL fade.
XOXO
Thinking of you...
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