Guitar Hero Addict

So Daniel totally surprised me and shipped my gift to my parents house for Christmas. I had no idea what to expect. He was going to get me new knives, but after I requested that as a gift, he decided he couldn't really get that for me since it might appear as if he didn't really put any thought into the gift. Well when I arrived at my parents a huge box was propped up against the wall. What could it be??? Christmas Eve I could wait no longer. With Daniel on the phone, I opened the box and there was GUITAR HERO WORLD TOUR!!! I LOVE Guitar Hero and have been wanting it for a long time. He got me the game with two wireless guitars and my brothers and I jammed out on that all day Christmas and the day after. I'm officially addicted. It's much more fun playing with another person, but I'm content playing by myself too :) I love my husband. He always gives the best gifts. I'm always impressed by his thoughtfulness. He listens to my desires and even when I forget them, he doesn't. Yes I am one lucky girl. I love you Daniel.

Cincinnati Will Always Be Home

Well I finally made it. It took a little longer than I expected, but with a lot of helping hands I got all of my stuff packed and moved into the storage unit. I am so grateful to have such a loving aunt, uncle and cousins that sacrificed their Saturday to help me move and clean. Had I been by myself, I would've been stuck there at least another week!
I'm in Cincinnati, staying at my friends apartment. It is a little cramped (I'm not a light packer), but I think we are both pretty excited to be roommates for a short while. It is a little crappy that she works night shift, and with no school and no job, things are already starting to get monotonous, but man am I ever glad to be back in Cincinnati. I don't have very many friends left here, but Cincinnati will always be home. My family has even moved away. I do feel like there is a purpose in me being here. I feel this is the right place for me to be right now.
What does life have in store for me for the next two months? I'm sure there will be experiences gained and lessons learned. I've been feeling especially loved by my Father in Heaven lately. He blesses me everyday. I'm very grateful to Him for giving me the opportunity to come spend time with my best friend and hopefully make changes in our lives that will benefit both of us. Change is never easy, but I believe that Heavenly Father puts certain people in your life to help make those transitions a little easier. Thank goodness for good friends, and here is to making more memories.

Yay for Christmas Parades

Why is it that the one day I need the street open so I can park my car close to the main entrance, there has to be a parade? That is one thing I will not miss about living in downtown Gallipolis. Every celebration happens right in front of my apartment and it's a nightmare trying to get parking, so you better plan on staying in doors during all holidays. Well I certainly wasn't expecting a Christmas parade today. I unfortunately had to run to the store to get some more packing tape and noticed the hordes of cars lined up and down the street. Of course I was only gone 5 minutes but by the time I got back my space was taken. Sigh. So off to the back parking lot I went. And of course there is snow all along the walkway and on the old wooden stairs that already are scary enough to walk up. They are so old I feel like they're ready to collapse any minute. Luckily I have big strong men on the way to help with the big stuff. Hopefully no one slips and breaks their neck.

Office Break

"Have you ever under the influence of alcohol questioned the teachings of the Mormon Church?" -Michael

Yes I love The Office. Back to work now.

For the Joy of Packing

Wow I can't believe I'm leaving Gallipolis for good tomorrow! I am done with finals (hallelujah), and after a day of hanging out with my gal pal Jackie and celebrating her youngest son's 5th birthday, I decided I'd better get back to work. The best thing about packing and moving is when you think you're close to being done and you're working at a good pace, you realize that you have hardly done anything and that you might possibly be up all night trying to get done before tomorrow. I certainly can't be in a bad mood though, after having such a good week (despite exams) and getting ready to spend 2 1/2 months with bestie-Mel. I also am very excited about finally escaping small towns and going back to suburbia life just outside the city.
Well I suppose I should stop blogging and get back to packing. I keep running out of boxes though. Where does all this stuff come from??

Kleptomania

Do you ever have those moments when somebody (let's say your husband) has something happen that you feel like could've been prevented (like for example somebody stealing his new running shoes) and he's telling you the story and you know he's frustrated and doesn't need the extra guilt and instead of giving the response you KNOW you should give, you give into the raging nag inside of you? Yes, that was me tonight.

I am very upset that somebody stole my husbands brand new $90 black Nike running shoes! And due to this petty theft, it caused my husband a lot of problems at work. He just had an awful day, and of course I didn't make it any better. It's the tight-wad inside of me that is ready to step into the boxing ring. I think sometimes I sit on my high and mighty throne thinking to myself how such things could never happen to me because I would be more careful and thoughtful, but really I can't say that is always true. I do have to say it really makes me lose my faith in humanity that you can't even trust a pair of shoes amongst your co workers. What is wrong with people? Don't they know we're making the same pay OR LESS and that if they wanted that pair so bad we could've directed them to the nearest Dick's Sporting Goods for assistance? People disgust me. I am angry and unfortunately I misdirected that anger at my husband and now have to call and humbly apologize (or try). But I swear if I ever find the jerk who took my husband's shoes and screwed up his whole day because of it, he'll get my right Addidas shoe and he won't like where it goes. Sorry for the vulgarity, I'm still fuming. I'm going to call my husband now. Thanks.

Lost

It's about freakin time! If you haven't heard the news yet LOST is coming back Jan 21st! I can't wait. Last season did get a little weird, but I gotta admit I'm still addicted. Heroes or LOST, which is better??? Guess we'll wait and see :)

Quote

I hate moving, but I do enjoy stumbling upon old memories while I'm packing. It sure slows down the process, but oh well. It makes it a little more pleasant and less boring. :) So I found an old binder with old letters mostly between me and my best friend from 7th grade Holli. I've only just begun to read it, but about the third page in I found a quote that I sent to her and I felt the need to post it on my blog. I'm not sure who the author is, but it is very inspiring and I hope you will be inspired by it also.

Sent May 5 2002

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcomings, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and how, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

We all have known defeat, but we have each tasted victory as well. There are many more victories to come.

Simple Pleasures

Tonight I went to some relatives' house today for Monday night family home evening. The mission was finding the perfect Christmas tree. Unfortunately the place that sells the best trees was closed by the time we were all ready to go. So we decided to take an adventure into the woods behind the house. Uncle Derek and Aunt Daphne led the way with Lacey(19), Bailey (8), Jason (5), Matthew (3) and myself in tow. As soon as we stepped outside into the damp darkness Matthew turns around and looks up at me with wide eyes and says "I'm scared!" He reached his arms upwards and I couldn't resist picking him up and offering him comfort. He seemed to feel better after I told him I would hold him and make sure nothing hurt him, but as soon as we neared the very dark woods, he decided that that wasn't good enough :) So back to the house we went and he made me promise I would stay at the house with him and not leave him. It's funny how good something like that makes you feel.
Later that evening Matthew told me that he loved me. Matthew is usually pretty affectionate with me, especially lately, but he's never told me he loved me. My heart felt like it was going to explode! I gave him the biggest hug and told him I loved him too. He told me this several times through out the night and then told me that he missed me when I went home. Nothing is purer than a child's love, and nothing feels quite as amazing as receiving that love. If only we could all have that and stay that way forever. Wouldn't the world be so wonderful?

Childhood Reunion

Today has been wonderful. I went out to lunch with one of my best childhood friends, Kolbri. She is pregnant with a sweet baby girl and due on Christmas! It was so nice to sit down and catch up, and even more interesting to see and hear how much everyone we knew has changed. We've known each other since... well for as long as I can remember, to be honest! It was great that even after so many years, and not keeping in touch as much as we should, we were able to sit down and pick up right where we left off!
Isn't it strange how life goes on without you? No matter how much your own life drastically changes, we kind of expect everyone else to stay the same. They never do. I was able to ask Kolbri about many of our other childhood friends and was interested to hear about where they were and what they were doing, and each and every situation left me surprised. Things do seem to work out though. I know it definitely has for me and Kolbri. I was so happy to hear about her fiance. He sounds like a wonderful guy, and he makes her happy.
Tonight we will be going to the circus with her stepson and I'm ver excited to chat it up some more. She'll probably be ready to ducktape my mouth shut by the end of the night ;) I'm extremely grateful that after all this time, our friendship hasn't died. I would say that's true friendship right there. Love ya Miss Kolbri!

Goodbye's Aren't Forever

At approximately 5:30 am this morning in Terminal B at the Chicago O'Hare airport I kissed my husband one last time for the next month. I was still only half awake so there was fortunately no traumatic realizations of being alone for the next 3 months. My husband called me as soon as he landed in Arizona and told me how wonderful the weather is right now. I immediately felt peace in my heart and happiness for him and the adventure he is about to embark on. I have no doubt in my mind that our time apart won't be easy, but my Father in Heaven knows my needs and I am so blessed to only have feelings of comfort right now. I'm sure there will be a few restless nights and tears are sure to be shed, but I feel strengthened and look towards being reunited with Daniel. Heavenly Father always knows what's best for us, and He never ceases to take care of my family. I feel assured by this knowledge and know that He will continue to look after us.
I sincerely hope everyone, despite their trials, will count their blessings today. How can anyone be unhappy when they focus on all the things they've been given? Happy Thanksgiving everyone. :)

As Reality Sets In

I can't believe it's actually here. I guess I'm still waiting to jump through the next hoop of paperwork or medical checkups for Daniel's new job. Such is not the case though. Well I guess I do have one more major hoop to jump through- living without my husband for 3 months. Yeah definitely the worst part of this whole process, but I will survive right? Well, Daniel and I decided to have one last hoorah with the Mooso clan before we're far away in Arizona. We are visiting them in Valparaiso, IN and today Daniel will be having a fun filled day in Chicago. We decided to go play tourist since my parents only live an hour east of the Windy City. I'm pretty excited. I have lots of memories from when I was 12 years old going to Chicago on Temple Trips...ahhh those were the days :) Holli do you remember swimming in the pool at the hotel? lol. Sorry, random. Back to the main subject here. Our plan is to go check out either the Sears Tower or John Hancock Tower, go to the main shopping district "Magnificent Mile" and go check out Millenial Park. Daniel has never been to Chicago so it should be a fun adventure. Tomorrow we'll have an early Thanksgiving with the family and then bright and early Thanksgiving morning I will drive Daniel back to Chicago for his flight to Tucson. I can't believe I only have 2 days left with him. I am going to miss him so much. He is such a rock in my life, and I'm so grateful for all the sacrifices he makes to support our family. He is a wonderful man and the most loving husband a woman could ask for-- especially one as difficult as myself! :) Well I'm going to quit blogging and savor the rest of my time with my hubby.

Let the Stress Begin...

Less than a week... I have less than a week with my husband! aaahhhh! Well tomorrow is Daniel's last day at AT&T and I've never seen him more thrilled. We'll be in Gallipolis Sunday and Monday trying to pack and start scrubbing down the apartment and trying to figure out all that stuff you gotta do before you move. Fun. Then Tuesday morning we are driving up to NW Indiana to visit my family for Thanksgiving and we are very excited! I grew up in the area and have many friends that are still there so I'm hoping that I'll get to see them while I'm there. Daniel flies out of Chicago on Thanksgiving morning bright and early, and right now I'm trying to avoid dwelling on that. Luckily I'm still swept up in the all the excitement and the withdrawals haven't set in yet. I'm certain I will have breakdown moments over the next 2 1/2 months, but I know it'll be worth it. After I we say our farewells, I'll head back to my parents and then I'll be heading back down to good ol' Gallipolis on Sunday... all by my lonesome. After that, I'll complete my last 2 weeks of school, finish packing and putting things in storage, cancel all the utilities, clean some more, call my husband lots, and I'm sure a million other things I am yet to think of. It always happens that way of course. You think you have almost everything done and then realize you really haven't even made a dent. As soon as school is done, I'm up and outta here! I will be an official nomad unofficially. :) I will be staying with one of my bestests in Cincinnati and probably visiting family and other friends to keep me preoccupied while Daniel is gone. I'm excited to be temporary roommates with Melody. We never got the chance to do it before, so I'm sure it'll be a wild crazy time. :) I'm so excited!!!!

We got the Call!!!!

I wasn't sure it would ever come, but this morning at 10 AM my hubby received his call and was offered a job in Arizona! We are sooooooooo excited and feel so blessed right now. He'll have to fly out on Thanksgiving, which sucks, but I'm glad he's getting started sooner than later. Thanks for everyone's prayers!!!

STILL no call..................**sigh**

Update

We did not receive the call last night. :(

Curve Ball

Isn't funny how just when you things are starting to smooth out in your life, ya get thrown a curve ball? I probably shouldn't be laughing so soon after the fact, but it's much better than crying. Daniel got into a car accident this morning. Thank goodness he wasn't injured (aside from a little whiplash), but his car is now totalled. We probably won't get more than a few hundred bucks for it and now we're down to one vehicle. I know many many young couples survive with only one vehicle, but I have to wonder how. Nevertheless, what's done is done, and we're determined to not let this get us down and make it work. Poor Daniel feels terrible, but I'm actually okay about the whole ordeal. I wasn't as calm at 8 am when I got the phone call, but after a few deep breaths and trying to think rational thoughts, peace came over me. It really sucks that this has to happen, but hey, sometimes blessings come in strange packages, so I'm going to try extra hard to remember that. What would really make this day a million times better, would be THE CALL. That's pretty much all Daniel and I can think about these days. Let it please be tonight!

Obsession and Insanity

I have two unhealthy obsessions. The first one is is having a baby. This of course isn't bad. The unhealthy part of it is that I stay up late at night, unable to fall asleep because I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to name my future children. I also all but smother small children whenever I get near them. My 2nd unhealthy obsession is Ann Taylor. This past year I've come to truly appreciate her clothing line including her Loft line. As some of you may know Ann Taylor can be a little pricey, and is most certainly out of my budget range, but luckily we have a simply fabulous store here called Gabriel Brothers. It's sorta like a TJ Max or Marshalls, but a million times better. Well at least it is to me. Some don't like to go there, because you really have to dig and sort through things and then you also have to make sure it's got all of it's buttons, there are no holes/stains, etc. It can be a tedious process, but well worth it for the prices. Last night, Daniel and I took a little trip to Huntington to go shopping and go to dinner and of course I had to drag him to Gabe's. I spent at least two hours sorting through and trying on clothes. I happened to come upon a beautiful dark blue Ann Taylor maternity shirt. Only 9.99... yeah. I bought it. Am I pregnant? No. Am I obsessed? Yes. The temptation of a prego shirt that was Ann Taylor was too much for me to handle. I am very very excited about my purchase. Of course I bought other fabulous things and spent way too much money, but sometimes it's hard to pass up on such good deals. It's easy to justify it in the moment :)

On another note, I am slowly going insane. Daniel still hasn't gotten his call yet. We're hoping that tomorrow is the day, but you never can be sure. I really think I am going to explode. Please please please! I wish they would call him right now! I am so anxious and can hardly focus on anything else. Please pray for us!

Moving Sucks

Wow I can't believe I only have 5 1/2 weeks of school left this semester! It feels like it's gone by so quickly, yet at the same time I have a feeling this last month is really going to drag. I'm ready for a break. It's funny how eager I was to get back into school, and currently I'm wanting to poke my eyes out from all this studying. I'm burnt out and need a break.
On another note, Daniel seems to think he may be gone by next month. While I couldn't be more excited for him to begin his new job, I am certainly not thrilled about being separated for 2 months. I am also VERY unexcited to have to move across the country by myself again. My move from Washington still has me traumatized. Think about your car breaking down in the middle of Wyoming in a rough little town with a big construction project going on- which means no hotels with any vacancy, and very few garages who all are booked with the construction companies vehicles. Yeah I cried and thought I was going to have to settle down in Wyoming. So from this traumatic experience I am dreading the move. Daniel says we'll make sure to have someone come down and help me and travel with me, but I hate to be such an inconvenience. I know most other people have lives and jobs. I'm also somewhat depressed about the thought of spending the holidays by myself. I'll definitely fly out to see Daniel or vice versa for Christmas, but it won't be the same. Sleeping alone in my bed in my apartment doesn't really appeal either. Sorry for all the griping. I shouldn't be so ungrateful, and I'm not... just stressed is all. I know it'll all work out and be worth it, but I just needed to complain a little.

Misery

I'm still sick and somehow am managing to feel more miserable as opposed to getting better. I have a Biology midterm tomorrow that I haven't even started studying for. My mind feels like mush and my body aches and my study guide looks forever long. I think I just might get my first F tomorrow. agh... please shoot me. Just thought I'd share my misery with you all.

BYU Memories

In the spirit of posting slideshows I decided to post one I made for one of my best friend's b-days about a year ago. Each of these people left me a better person. Thank you and I love you.

Drug Induced Epiphany

Being sick is really no fun. It's only October and I've already caught something. Hopefully it'll be the only thing I catch this season. I'm normally the type of person who likes to let nature take its course and avoid popping pills at all costs, but being a student I want to make sure I can function as quickly as possible and not miss class. So I've been going against my natural tendencies and choking down over-sized orange and blue/green gel caps. I've noticed my nighttime medicine makes me feel a little funny and well, I had the strangest experience last night.
Maybe this is slightly blasphemous, but for the longest time I've been dealing with... to put it mildly, a bad taste in my mouth about our life here on Earth. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal, but I eagerly await the day this life is over. With what I've been taught about the afterlife, I can't wait to get there. In my woozy thoughts last night, for some reason I started thinking about this whole thing. Daniel gets a little frustrated with the way I feel about this life. He thinks it means that I don't feel anything good has come out of my life on Earth. This is not true at all. I am grateful for all the wonderful things and maybe not so wonderful things that have happened to me while I'm here. I yearn for an ending, not necessarily for myself (while I can't exclude myself entirely), but for the world around me. It seems like the world keeps getting worse and worse and there is so much suffering everywhere. Things are happening that are so evil, I can't comprehend. I get angry for the children in Africa that have to leave their families and live on the run just so they aren't forced into joining some rebel army that commits hideous acts. I am angry for the women and children that are being abused and tormented. My mind cannot grasp how a loving Father in Heaven can let his children go through these things. Do I doubt that he loves each and every one of us? Absolutely not. Nevertheless, my heart aches immeasurably and I find myself wishing it was all over.
Last night I felt this sudden urgency to live life to its fullest. It was the strangest feeling. I felt this fear overcome me that soon this life would be over and I would be looking back and wishing I would've appreciated it more. This life is a gift and I should cherish it, and my Heavenly Father is aware of all the suffering and His blessings will surpass every pain that has been felt or endured. I really need to make an effort to be more faithful. One day I'll understand, but until then I just need need to remain faithful.

Fun Times in Gallipolis, OH!

I decided that Daniel and I need to make the most of our time together and take a break from concentrating to hard on the future. I think in life we spend so much time looking forward that we forget to appreciate living in the moment. So I really want to make more of an effort to make memories. This life is short, why not enjoy it? Seize the day!

Goodmorning Sunshine!

Ok ok, it's true. I don't always look forward to Sundays with the right attitude. Daniel and I made a last minute trip up to Columbus and didn't get home until 1 AM. So when my alarm went off this morning I hit snooze twice and finally just turned it off completely, at the same time pulling the covers over my head. My husband had already been awake since 6 preparing his Sunday school lesson, so I figured it would only be a matter of time before he came in to try and wake me. Wrapped up all snug in bed I managed to convince myself that I was too exhausted to go to church and that I needed a day off from church. Hey, I'm not perfect, nor do I pretend to be! Don't get me wrong. I love my church and have a strong testimony of it's truth and the blessings it has brought to my life, but I most certainly have my moments of weakness. I braced myself for the unpleasant sound of my dear husbands approaching footsteps. The door quietly opened and Daniel gently shook me. Still with eyes closed I pretended to snooze right through. You have to love the persistence of my husband. He is not easily deterred. His gentle shaking became a little more forceful along with a sing song "It's time to wake up, Cyd! 30 minutes until we have to leave!" I groaned and tried to escape further under the covers. I could almost feel his eyes narrowing. He continued to plead and even went to the closet and told me he was picking out my outfit for church. I thought maybe if I ignored him long enough he would let me finally sleep in peace. Not the case. He shook me some more, bounced on the bed and finally resorted to cover stealing. "If you don't come to church I'm going to stand here and make sure you don't go back to sleep!" He yanked all the blankets off the bed and I rolled over to glare at him, ready to give him a piece of my mind. When I saw the puppy dog look on his face, my heart melted and all I could do was laugh. I have a wonderful husband. He keeps me in line and I'm so grateful for him. I made it to church today, thanks to him, and as always, I was glad I went. Thank goodness for righteous persistent husbands.

Nail Kits from the Dead Sea or something like that

Mondays are Daniel's day off and because I didn't have anything going on at school, I decided to take a "sick" day and go play with my hubby. We decided to take a trip to Huntington, WV (the closest city to us) and go shopping, eat dinner, see a movie, etc. While at the mall an overly friendly man in his late 20's was standing at a kiosk with a tray of lotion samples. I had no intention or interest in trying this lotion, but as the tray was thrust in my face along with a big smile, my heart softened and I reached out and took a sample despite knowing what would follow.
The man proceeded to tell me about this wonderful nail filing kit that would smooth away all the ridges from my nails and only needed to be maintained once a month and he even was kind enough to let me smell all 4 scents that they carried.
"Which is your favorite?" he asked.
"Well... uh... I think I like the Olive." As I said this I knew I was setting myself for trouble. I walked into the trap knowingly and now was looking for the most polite way to disappoint the guy. He quickly grabbed a new package of the Olive Box and held it out towards me expectantly.
"Take it." he said. I just kind of stared, at this point starting to feel uncomfortable. "Today we're having a special since it is Columbus Day. Usually this is 79.99, but today we are selling them for 49.99!"
I could already felt the guilt setting in. Ration told me it would be silly to buy this product, especially since I've been suckered into buying something similar a few years back and never ended up using it. But the guy was staring me down with these beady little eyes like he wouldn't take no for an answer. Nevertheless, I said "I don't think so, but I'll think about it."
"Listen, I'm going to do you a favor. Tell me somebody you'd like to get a Christmas gift for."
Uh are you kidding? I just said no, buddy. I just smiled politely and said "I'm sorry, I really don't think I want to pay $50 for this."
He nods and says "just a moment" and then walks over to his cash register to look at some folded piece of paper. He smiles and comes back over. "I have a great deal for you. I am going to sell you the buffer and the cuticle oil for only $25 and toss in these other two things free of charge! Take it!"
At this point, I'm starting to get mad. This guy just can't take no for an answer and now he is being a little too pushy. Still, I managed to keep my cool and hoping the guy would back off I said "Well, I still have more shopping to do, so I will think about that deal and I might come back later."
The guy took a step back and looked as if he was going to chop my head off. "Are you joking with me?! That's less than 1/3 of the original price! I can't believe you wouldn't take this deal!" He was clearly upset with me and for some reason thought he could make me purchase his product by the means of making me feel like an idiot. Sorry bub, I don't think so. Honestly, what is wrong with people? I used to work in sales so I know the pain and anguish of it, but goodness gracious! I hate people who think it's okay to get mad just because they didn't sell their stupid product. I was fuming for the rest of the time we were at the mall and was tempted to go back and take his stupid olive scented nail kit and smack him over the head with it. Luckily my rational husband was there to talk sense into me, but it did take me a little bit to simmer down. He better just hope I don't come back to that mall alone... ;)

Sucked In

So I've been hearing that these Stephanie Meyer Twilight series are all the rage and since I used to live in Port Angeles, my interest was piqued. I acquired the first book in the series and read it in two days. It's definitely not the most amazing book I've ever read, but it's a very cute love story and well... obviously I liked it if I read it in two days. This morning I was about to log into my myspace account and I saw an ad for a trailer for a movie coming out Nov. 21 on the first book. I watched it, and can I just say now that I'm intensely excited? I'm trying to not fall into the masses of swooning women. It's just nice to actually find a nice clean love story and not have to worry about it being too adult. What can I say? I think I'm getting sucked in.

Do You Go To College?

Do you ever have random small experiences that just make you realize how blessed you are? Today was like any other day. I went to school. I drove home and debated meeting my aunt to go walking and finally forced myself to do it. Drove home and as I was getting out of my car a boy about my age, maybe a little younger, said, "Do you go to college?" I had my pink back pack strapped to me and my Rio Grande parking pass hanging in my rear view mirror. I figured it was obvious, but decided to be kind. I told him "yes, I do." He then got this wistful look on his face and said "I really want to go to college. How do you get to go?" I was a little taken aback by this question, as I figure most people get help with this process in high school or from parents, etc. "Well... you have to apply." That came out more like a question then a statement because I was still trying to decipher if this kid was playing a joke on me. He then said "Don't you have to take SAT's or something?" Deciding he was sincere I responded, "well different schools require different things, so if you really want to know you should look up some phone numbers of schools you might want to go to and ask them what they require and they can tell you what you need to do." He just kinda nodded his head. Making more of an effort now, I said, "So what school do you want to go to? Rio? Marshall?" He just shrugged his shoulders and said "any school. I just want to go to college." At this point I was nearing the door to my apartment so as final encouragement I told him, "It's worth it. You should definitely look into it." And he broke out into this big smile with some of his teeth missing and others rotting away and said "Thanks for your help!" As I walked up the stairs to my apartment I started pondering how I get down about not having the opportunities that some of my more financially well off friends have had as far as going through college. My parents wanted to help, but they just couldn't afford to pay for me to go to school. I was also the oldest and so I think maybe they weren't exactly sure what to do, but they did the best they could. But I was definitely envious of those who had parents who put their kids through school without them ever having to work a job to support themselves. Seeing this boy today has given me a little reminder that I may not have had it as easy as I would have liked, but there are others who have it much worse. It may have taken me a while, but I'm in school NOW. I'm happy and today I think I'll count my blessings.

Tagged

HIGH SCHOOL TAG

1. Did you date someone from your high school?:

no, my attention always seemed to be captured by college boys. Though there was one guy a couple years older than me that I really liked for a long time and as soon as I turned 16 and could finally date him... let's say it didn't last more than a few weeks. :) So much for true "love"!

2. What kind of car did you drive?:

1996 Plymouth Neon- old faithful that would randomly not start and had really loud squealing brakes. It was a show stopper for sure.

3. What is your most embarrassing moment in high school?

Well I'm sure there are many that I can't recall, but I do remember falling down a huge flight of stairs my freshman year. Awkward.

4. Were you a party animal?

of course not... !!!

5. Where you considered a flirt?

sure! You gotta have a little fun right?

6. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir?:

I really wanted to be in band but I moved to Ohio right before 7th grade and the kids there were already ahead so I felt insecure about joining. I did do choir every year and loved it. Still really miss it!

7. Were you a nerd?

some people probably thought so, I really wasn't all too thrilled with high school and was dying to get out which is why I graduated a year early. I only did extracurriculars for the purpose of college applications. I did French Club, Peer Mediating, sorta did journalism, and was a part of Mu Alpha Theta which is the math nationals honor's society.

8. Were you on any varsity teams?

No I was too chicken to really try to get involved in sports. Really regret it now though.

9. Did you get suspended/expelled?

Nope

10. Can you still sing the fight song?

did we even have one???

11. Who were your favorite teachers?

I loved my freshman Biology teacher Mr. Thompson. yeah I think that's about it.

12. Where did you sit during lunch?

somewhere in the cafeteria.

13. School Mascot?

Thunderhawk

14. Did you go to homecoming and with who?

Sophomore year I went with Brandon something, and Junior year I went with my then boyfriend Brendon Akey.

15. If you could go back and do it again, would you?

No siree! I was more than excited to blow that joint!

16. What do you remember most about graduation?

I remember feeling mildly uncomfortable since I was graduating a year early and wasn 't really friends with anyone in that class. I also remember feeling excited to be seated between 2 boys that I found really attractive. You win some you lose some :)

17. Where did you go senior skip day?

Again I was technically a junior and didn't exactly have a normal senior year so I don't think I participated in Senior skip day.

18. Have you gained weight since then?

I wish i could say no.

19. Who was your prom date?

sophomore year i went with Matt Carroll and junior year Josh Asher

20. Are you planning on going to your 10 year reunion?

If I could go to the reunion with my original classmates and not my actual graduating class I would go.

21. Looking back, what advice would you give yourself?

I wish I would've made an effort to be more social with my class mates. I had my own group of friends outside of high school so I feel like I missed out on some potential friendships. I wish I would've participated in high school plays and gotten more involved in activities I would've enjoyed instead of just doing the bare minimum to rush through it. So my advice would be treasure the moments so you don't look back with regrets.

Tag, you're it – Monica, Kolbri, Leslie

Daniel my eternal companion

How do I begin to express the gratitude I have for my husband? He is my rock. In his moments of weakness he still always comes through for me. He is my androgynous man. He is strong and sensitive to my needs. I am a tough woman to be married to. I am demanding, way too critical, impatient, emotionally driven, and I often don't give him the love and care he deserves. We are not the perfect couple. We have our fights and they can get pretty nasty sometimes, but we always come out stronger united by our love and faith in Christ.
Daniel has saved me from myself more times than I can count. I am quick to react and slow to think, but he loves me despite my weaknesses. He has blessed my life so much and I can't imagine life without him. He has such an amazing spirit and I know he is inspired in leading our family. I may not always rely on his guidance due to my own selfish pride and lack of faith, but Daniel is always unwavering. He is composed and always faced in the right direction.
What did I ever do to deserve this man? Sometimes I become overwhelmed with disgust at myself for all of my shortcomings and I look at Daniel and wonder "how?" I think the Lord knew I needed someone like him, but I can't help but feel... ashamed. Ashamed that I fall so short so frequently. And despite this, he stands by me with love. When I make wrong choices, he is there to comfort me and support me. When I am weak, he holds me up. What was life like before he came into it? I don't even remember. Daniel is my world and I can only pray that my Father in Heaven will mold me into the wife that I desire to be for him.

I crumbled

I'm in a not very happy place right now. Last night I gave in to my "passion" and wrote the most horrid letter to my mother in law letting everything hang out. There was no holding back. I lost all desire to be understanding and kind. Do I regret it? I feel like I should. I feel like a good person would be sorry. But I'm not. At least not right now.
I needed her to know how much she has hurt me and her family. And even more, I wanted her to suffer like I've been suffering! I know... terrible. That's the simple disgusting truth. I'm a wound up ball of emotion and last night I unraveled. I don't know how to put on a smiley face and pretend everything is okay, that I'm okay with her divorce, or that I'm okay that she's getting married in a week. I'm not okay. This is not okay.
I retaliated. I was feeling betrayed, hurt, angry. I wanted her to truly understand that her actions haven't just affected her life, but many others... as if she doesn't know. I'm told she knows... so what? She just doesn't care? I'm past being able to understand. I will never understand. So am I going to the wedding? I don't know anymore. I thought I could, but since I've written that letter I don't know if I should. I've doused that bridge with gasoline and have the match lit. I just don't want to let her hurt us anymore.

The Fine Line Between Your Agency and My Agency

I've been wondering about agency lately. Especially when I think of becoming a parent. I know we're put on this earth to teach our children and others who look up to us. We give them advice from our personal experiences, provide them with encouragement and love, try to give them the confidence and instill in them the proper values to make good decisions... but when that is not enough, then what?
I can recall a few times in my life when I felt my "agency" was being taken away and my parents were making decisions for me. At the time, I thought I had the meanest most unfair parents who had no clue about how to properly raise an independent teenage girl. Now I look back with gratitude and relief for the times that they stepped in and "took over" my life for me.
I want to help people. I feel the incessant need to "fix" people's lives and have difficulty staying separated from depressing situations. Nothing is more glorious than the joy that comes from knowing you've made a difference in someone's life. This is a feeling I live for, yet I tend to get caught up in not the most uplifiting situations in the process and find myself carrying a weight of sadness and anger for this world and the cruel people in it. I try to live by being supportive and loving and encouraging, but for one particular young friend, I believe the situation has crossed a line. This is one of those times my parents would've grabbed the reigns. Unfortunately, some people aren't as blessed with parents who know and understand the gospel of Jesus Christ. What do i do? I don't feel like I can stand idly by and continue to encourage, just for the mere fact that I'm not sure she is strong enough to make the right decision currently. Don't get me wrong, she is perfectly capable young woman, but I know what it's like to have moments of weakness.
I know I can't save everyone from experiencing hardships in life, but I would give anything to help limit it. So many young women today struggle with identity. They have lost a sense of who they are because of what the media tells them they should be. Sometimes we get caught up in making poor decisions and then suddenly we are struggling with self worth and thinking we will never do better. We don't deserve better. THIS IS NOT TRUE!!! We are all daughters of our Father in Heaven. As we truly come to understand this and His intense desire to bless us, we can attain a joy never previously imagined. I want everyone I love to have this joy. I'm just beginning to have a glimpse of it, and I've never ever been happier.
So again I ask, where is this invisible line between helping a friend and taking away their agency and doing as Satan originally wanted to do to us? Is it wrong for me to want to temporarily steer the bus? If so, I'm guilty as charged.

Breakthrough

Sometimes I forget how lucky I am. I have a wonderful husband who treats me like a queen even at times when it is undeserved. I live in a nice apartment and sleep on a comfortable bed every night. I have parents who have raised me in the gospel and though they aren't perfect have always been loving and supportive. Growing up, I've lived in many different places which has blessed me with the ability to adapt. I had the opportunity to attend BYU and make friends that would be a positive influence during crucial times in my life. I've always been blessed with good jobs. I can pay my bills. I was married in the temple. I am healthy (for the most part!). I am loved.
Putting aside all the garbage from this world, today I've decided to take a step back and be grateful for my life and the way it's all worked out. My Heavenly Father has never left me, nor does He leave any of us. I can only hope to be a tool in His hands to bless the lives of others as He has placed those in my life that have blessed me. The Lord loves us so much and wants to bless us. I am lucky to know this.

Standoff with a slice of humble pie

I'm still angry. I have finally broken down and decided to be "supportive" but mostly due to the fact that I'm just so in love with my husband and would never want to cause him further anguish. Let me be clear, my support does not mean I condone these actions. I will be the first to say "I oppose." But everyone in the family is being so strong about it. So I gave a little. Not a lot.
It's really difficult to watch the people you love make poor decisions. I know I should be slow to judge because if anyone has done some really stupid things, it would be me. I have owned the "stupid rock" for more than a fair portion of my life. My saving grace is my testimony of the gospel. Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has literally saved my life. I've been blessed with many wonderful examples, who have given me the gift of wanting to be better.
So it is difficult for me to understand someone who believes the same things I do (or I thought they did) go against everything I've been taught my whole life. Maybe I don't have all the information, but that's where the problem lies. If I don't, then I am entitled to it. I deserve an explanation. We all do! So far I've heard nothing to justify the actions that have been taken. I've kept my mouth shut, but I cannot hide my distaste any longer.
I am hurt. How else do I describe it? Someone I love and hold dear has let me down. How do you cope with that? I know I don't stand innocent. I know that my behavior and attitude is wrong in so many ways... but there are certain people you unfairly expect to never let you down, and when they do... then you're where I'm at right now. Torn between what you FEEL is right and what you KNOW is right. I know that last statement makes little sense, but its where I'm at. With a heart wide open, this is me.

I'm too old for this

Excuse me while I throw a tantrum. I am angry. Yesterday in composition we were asked to do a journal entry on how we see ourselves. My first thought was "extreme." When I love, I love passionately. And when I'm angry, I take no prisoners. This obviously makes life wonderful and exciting, but there comes a darkness with it too. I have trouble moderating my emotions, even when my head is telling me "Cyd, you know better. Act your age." I just don't care! I want to clench my fists and stomp my feet and call names.
I am angry. I am angry when people hurt me, but I'm angrier when people hurt the ones I love. I know I should be more mature, but I simply just don't want to right now. I have no concern about burning bridges...as I said, take no prisoners. I should be concerned. I should be supportive. I should be... happy? No, I shouldn't be happy. It's absolutely ridiculous to have to be happy about something that makes someone else hurt. So NO, I'm not happy.
And how can I be supportive of something that just seems so wrong to me? I'm trying to look back on how my parents treated me when I was making poor decisions. Were they supportive?? I think they always loved me, and they stood by me through the difficult times but I don't recall them encouraging me to make mistakes. And that's how I see this. A HUGE mistake. Maybe this blog was a mistake. Oh well. I don't know how else to release all this emotion. This is all I've got.

So Much to Do

So my parents are finally coming to pick up the dogs this weekend. I'm really excited to see them and unfortunately they won't be here very long, but in the meantime I've got to study for 5 exams that I have next week plus scrub down the apartment and all the doggy gear to get packed up. I just got back from the grocery store and figured I'd take a nice little nap after I stowed away all the goods. In the process I realized the trash was full and so I took it out and was about to set it aside until I realized some unpleasant brown liquid was seeping from the bottom. Awesome. That of course meant that I couldn't wait for Daniel to take it out when he got home (I know I'm lazy) I had to drag it out the back myself and down the hundred year old rickety wood steps that I always fear I'm going to fall off of. I came back inside to an extra unpleasant smell, from that nasty brown residue I'm sure and popped open the trash can to survey the damage. Mold. Mold?? Mold was growing in the bottom of my trash can. How did this happen? I have a phobia of dirty trash cans and can't stand the sight of them so I scrub it down probably more than most people, so I was quite dismayed to see a green ball of fuzz growing in my white trash can. Did I mention I also have a phobia of mold? My stomach just churns whenever I see it. So now I have to scrub down the trash can and I don't have any rubber gloves and I most certainly do not want that mold anywhere near my skin. yuck yuck yuck! So I guess what I'm trying to say is I should be cleaning instead of blogging or even sleeping instead of blogging, but I'm not. If i avoid something maybe it'll go away. That is the motto I've lived by and I'm sticking by it. I've yet to see success with it, but isn't patience a virtue? :)

I am an A student

Yay!!!! I just checked my first anatomy quiz grade and I got 100 percent! I was so stressed about it yesterday! I'm sooooooooooo relieved!

I Hate Construction

I was running a few minutes late this morning, but I usually am early getting to school so I knew I'd be fine and make it probably just in time for class. I'd spent the previous night preparing hard for my Biology Lab Quiz and was confident and ready to go. As I'm driving down the road about to make my left turn onto Rt 160, lo and behold i see a bunch of orange cones blocking off the turn lane and the actual road I needed to turn onto. New Paint Job. Are you kidding? Could you maybe do one side at a time so as not to close it off completely??? Of course that would've required some brains. Sorry. I am feeling particularly nasty about this morning and have always been annoyed with how inconsiderate the people are that plan these construction projects. I just felt sick to my stomach when I saw this. Well nothing I could do but hit the gas and take the long way to school. When I got to campus, class had already started and I was again reminded of how out of shape I am as my efforts to jog quickly failed and I ended up doing a "fast-walk." I "fast-walked" into class, sounding like a bull dog with breathing problems. Everyone of course looked up and stared at me and to my horror I realized the quiz had already been passed out. I looked around the classroom for the professor, and she was no where to be found. I was in luck though, I snatched a quiz from off of her desk and had it done in 5 minutes. The professor didn't even notice... or if she did, she didn't say anything.
To add to the awesomeness of the day, I was wearing one of my cute new shirts I had bought in Canada. I will never ever wear a new button down shirt on Thursdays. Thursdays are the days that I am on campus from 10:30 to 9:30 at night. As if things weren't going well enough for me, I started progressively losing buttons throughout the day. Good thing I was wearing a tank top underneath.
On the other hand, I was thinking that if I was at BYU and single I probably would've been horrified by the missing buttons. Instead I just calmly tucked my buttons away into my pocket thinking I would sew them back on later. Of course I only lost two buttons. Had I lost all of them, that would've been a different story.

Hurricane Gustav

To all those being evacuated on the Gulf Coast, we pray for you. It was only a few years ago that Hurricane Katrina and Rita hit destroying the lives of so many. Only 3 years later after the slow process of rebuilding and rehabilitation, another hurricane is threatening to take it all away again. Meteorologists are calling Gustav the "Storm of the Century". For those of you who don't know, Hurricane Rita was a level 5 hurricane but touched land at a level 3. Katrina was the same story. Currently Gustav is being considered a level 4 and officials fear it will be a level 5 when it makes landfall.
I have been blessed to never have endured such a disaster, but one of my best friend's town is being evacuated and my heart goes out to her and her family. Hurricane's are very unpredictable and right now government officials are doing their best to take necessary precautions to protect it's citizens, but this is easier said than done. Like most of us, there are many families that don't have the financial means to just pick up and leave. While there are many shelter's being provided and free transportation to those in need, it is still a major financial burden to all. Families are being forced to take as much as they can in fear if they don't they'll lose it all. They are leaving jobs behind which means leaving behind an income. Some are in disbelief that another major hurricane could hit the same are twice. Some are better prepared this second time around... many are just barely recovering from three years ago. There is a clear battle between despair and hope.
To all of us who have never had to go through a natural disaster, we will quite possibly never understand what it feels like to be in that position. The fear, anger, frustration, and the insurmountable stress these people are faced with. Please please pray for them. They need our prayers more than ever.

Life of a Dog Sitter

So for the past couple of weeks Daniel and I have been dog-sitting my parents two lovely pups. One is a Pointer and the other one is a Maltese, which actually used to be my dog, but between Daniel and I hardly being home we thought he'd be happier with my parents. Toby (the Maltese) is a sweet dog. He's got a very independent personality, but for the most part is obedient and submissive to his masters. Sure he's got an annoying submissive tinkling problem, but a doggie diaper took care of that issue very easily. Maggie on the other hand is a ball of trouble. She has more energy then can be harnessed. If you try taking on her walks she will just drag you the whole time. I can certainly attribute this to a lack of training, but nevertheless it is incredibly annoying and tiresome. She also has a nasty habit of going completely psycho whenever someone she doesn't know is close by. Whether it be someone coming into the home or walking by on the sidewalk she wants to jump all over them. It can be kind of intimidating, especially to a nice young couple enjoying their Saturday evening pushing their brand new baby in a stroller. Every time I take the dogs out to potty I find myself sputtering "I'm sorry's" at least 3 or 4 times to random strangers as Maggie tries to attack them. Of course she is harmless and is super friendly. Just a little too friendly. Another thing about Maggie is that she is Sneaky. So maybe I'm a little bit tough and not as generous with the treats. If I'm going to give a treat, I expect a trick. So today I made Toby do his tricks and then gave him his treat. Then I turned to Maggie and she wouldn't do her tricks so I put the treat away and went about my business. Actually I was reading blogs when I hear this crunching noise. Like a dog eating a biscuit crunching noise. I follow the sound and there Maggie is chowing down on a biscuit. Treat box is wide open and obviously Maggie and dug her snout down there and picked a few out herself. Take that, huh? Funny thing is I noticed that the box seemed unusually low. It was a brand new box and I've only given them a few since I've had them... hmmm... and the dog outsmarts it's master!

First Day

Well I survived my first day of school and it was breeze. My first class is Biology and I have it with 4 of my relatives. Pretty sweet. Sure they're all 7 or 8 years younger than me, but who cares! Next I have Algebra and Composition which I have with one of my cousin's friends. So I don't feel completely awkward. One of the girls in my class did ask me how old I was and when I answered with a proud "23!" she giggled and said "whoooaaa!" Whoa? What is that supposed to mean? "Well, how old are YOU?" She responded, "16" Awesome. That's ok though, I hold my head up high and reach into my pink backpack to pull out my ultra cool brown and orange striped notebook. I picked it out very carefully at Wal Mart.
Being back on a college campus has reminded me how out of shape I am. Sure it's not nearly as bad as when I was at BYU. If any of you have ever had to climb those hills south of campus you know what I'm talking about. I remember thinking to myself quite honestly that there was no way I could continue climbing those steps every single day. You've got at least 10 people climbing those steps around you and they seem to be doing just fine, so you try to keep the panting to a minimum and breathe as quietly as possible to avoid embarrassing stares and the occasional "Move it or lose it fatty!" Ok that last part was an exaggeration, but you can't help but feel a little self conscious. It wasn't until two weeks after school started that I realized there was a much gentler climbing slope that took about twice as long to climb but quite a bit less traumatizing and agonizing.
Good news though, I forced my way into that Anatomy/Physiology class. The professor was really hesitant to add me because I hadn't completed my Biology course yet and Chemistry was another pre-req which I hadn't taken either. But I persisted and told her I really really needed this class and after looking at her class roster and seeing only 10 students enrolled, she conceded. Phew! With 17 credit hours I'm gonna be a busy girl, but I think I'm a little more prepared this time around. That's right folks, it only took me a few tries, but I'm back in school and sooo excited!

Freshman Year (Take 2 and... Action!)

So it is official! I registered for classes today, submitted my financial aid, bought my way too heavy books, and most importantly feel extremely nervous and stressed. Starting school wouldn't be complete without that last one :) I have less than a week before classes start and I got into all of my classes except one. I'll have to go to the professor personally to see if she will add me to her class. I'm crossing my fingers because I sure don't need anymore setbacks. There is still this little voice in my head whispering "Are you sure you want to do this?" The voice of reason answers back "YES!" But that insecurity still never completely disappears. Brick walls aren't meant to keep us out... they're there for us to prove how badly we want something, right? (Thanks to Randy Pausch for that one)
On the note of insecurity I did feel somewhat out of place. It seemed like everywhere I looked there were prepubescent teenagers and I felt like the old "grandma" that comes back to get more education. Ok I know realistically I probably don't stick out that bad, but I started thinking maybe I need to resort back to wearing t shirts and pajama pants just to feel comfortable. I do have a bright pink backpack! ...I'm not sure if that's even cool... hmmm actually I'm sure it's not, but oh well.

Insulted

Church was rough today. I was having a pleasant morning with a nice spiritual feeding until Relief Society. One of our new converts approached me and asked me if I'd talked to my friend.

I guess I better start with some background info. During my Sunday to teach in Relief Society I had shared some personal information about one of my best friends who is struggling with the church. She is someone I hold very near and dear to my heart and I think about her everyday and pray for her constantly hoping that I might find a way to help her find her way. She is also a convert (baptized while I was at BYU) and she is an incredible person and friend.

Needless to say, after my lesson that day I had several approach me, imparting their personal experiences and wisdom. I appreciated everyone's concern and it touched me greatly to feel their love for someone they didn't even know that I love so much. Well this one particular new convert came to me with a message, that to be honest I can't even really remember everything that was said. I remember thinking it was strange, but understood her intentions were pure. She said something about my friend needing to hear a message from me. She said there was somebody important in her life or about to come into her life and that she needed to pay attention. That's about all I remember. Well anyways, this sister approached me today and asked me if I had talked to my friend. I responded telling her I hadn't talked to her for a while since I had been out of town. I surely wasn't expecting what came next. This sister proceeded to scold me. She actually appeared angry with me! She started saying how I should have called her, and it's a shame that I didn't pass on the message because the Lord really wanted her to hear it and now she might miss out some important thing in her life basically because of me. I was completely mortified.

First of all the subject of my friends is a very very touchy subject for me. I have had many sleepless nights and cried many tears over my friends who have distanced themselves from the church. This is not something I've really shared openly before, but I carry a guilt on my shoulders for their actions. I know ultimately their decisions are theirs and I can't force them to do anything. This is Satan's way not our Heavenly Fathers, but I look back on some of the poor decisions I made and the example I was and I feel so much shame. I just can't shake the "what if?" My testimony has grown so much and despite so many many mistakes I've been blessed beyond I could've comprehended a couple years ago. There's nothing I want more than that true eternal happiness that I know is within all of our grasps. I want my friends to reap the rewards I am just now beginning to experience for myself.

I was so hurt to be so openly judged like that in front of the other sisters. I tried to respond as positively as possible, especially being in the Relief Society Presidency I feel quite a bit more pressure to be an example... who knows I might've said something I would've regretted. But her remarks really hurt me and as soon as I got out of church I broke down. I could hardly pay attention the rest of the meeting. I know Satan was working on me hard today. He wants so badly for me, for everyone, to feel worthless. Even though I know Satan was the author of these negative feelings, I couldn't help but direct my anger towards this sister. I wanted to confront her and tell her that she had no idea the half of it. And how dare she accuse me of something she didn't know anything about! I wanted her to know that I am a good friend and don't just toss my friends to the back burner because I'm busy. And then even worse I wanted to make her feel bad. I wanted to correct her and make her feel stupid. This was my pride really kicking in. I wanted to tell her that no one was entitled to any inspiration for my friend except for herself and her spiritual leaders. Not even myself and especially not someone who doesn't know her is going to receive revelation for her. And then I wanted to tell her to take her "inspirations" and well... keep it to herself. AAAAHHH!!! I know I know it's horrible. I probably shouldn't have written those last few sentences, but I guess I needed to get it out.
I know she meant no harm and so I decided it's not really worth me confronting her about it. She's a new convert and I'd hate to be the one to drive her away from something so important. It just wasn't worth it. For a moment there I didn't think my pride was worth sacrificing, but it is. I just pray this is a one time event... I don't know how else to handle this.

A Girl and Her Camera (Banff National Park)

Home Sweet Home

My husband is fabulous. Last night he picked me up from the airport even though my flight didn't come in until midnight and it is over a 2 hour drive home and he had to work the next day. I offered to drive home so he could rest, but he could tell I was totally pooped out from flying all day and refused to let me drive. I tried to be a trooper and stay up to keep him company but the last 45 minutes I passed out. Well as soon as I walk in the door I go into our bedroom and there is this!


The note basically says how much he missed me and how being at home by himself helped him to realize all the little things he missed about me... so he left me some more notes throughout our apartment for me to find later. So Daniel just left for work and the first thing I did when he stepped out the door was look in every nook and cranny until I found every note he had left me. I was trying to downplay my excitement, but what can I say? I'm a sucker for a little romance. :) I don't know if I found all of them but I think I found most of them! Here's just a few!







I know... I'm lucky.

Homeward Bound

Well my trip has come to a close. Tomorrow I'll be flying home and I couldn't be happier. I had a fabulous trip and got to see some beautiful places. I'll post pictures later. Right now I'm really feeling good about my decision to come out here. I was really hesitant about leaving my husband for that long... you could say I'm a little attached to that guy :) But I've had a great time with my in laws, and my mother in law is so great about showing me how to have fun and helping me forget my stresses of everyday life. Banff was incredible and taking in all the beautiful sights there and at Lake Louise just put me in awe of this wonderful earth that we live on. As one of my favorite old EFY songs says, "It passes all my understanding how the world turned out just right..." from the majesty of the canyons, to the beautiful powerful bodies of water that surround us, and all other things great and small. There truly is a God and I cannot deny it. We did a short hike through Johnson Canyon and I couldn't stop smiling. I had this feeling of peace and love overwhelm me. There were so many trees and more waterfalls than I could count and tunnels and canyon walls washed smooth. I feel my Savior's love. He made this for me. For us all.

I am especially glad to be heading home to my sweet sweet husband. He has been a wonderful support to me and I'm so glad he pushed me to come on this trip. He knew I needed it more than I realized. Being away from him certainly does make the heart grow fonder. I've come to realize again and again just how lucky I am to have found him. I am far from perfect and often fall short from being the wife he deserves, but he always treats me like a queen. I am looking forward to not sleeping alone! I remember a woman telling me she took comfort in hearing her husband snore, that it put her to sleep. I thought she was surely crazy, but I can kind of understand where she's coming from now. So i suppose next time my husband's snoring wakes me up I should be slower to pass a swift punch to the arm... I'm not in very good control of my actions when woken up. Good thing I have a patient husband! aaahhh.... home her I come.

To Be Perfected

(Artwork by Greg Olsen titled "Forgiven")


Well it's been 2 weeks since I lost my job and it seems like it's gone by so fast, yet I feel like it's been years since I've had a job. I'm still trying to decide if I enjoy this jobless lifestyle. Don't get me wrong, there's is nothing more pleasant than waking up in the morning feeling relaxed and not competing for the shower with my husband. I do find quite a bit of pleasure in knowing I actually do have enough time in the day to do the things I need to do plus take some time for myself. For some reason I can't seem to just let it be in my mind. I've worked for so long that I tend to feel useless and that I'm somehow not contributing like I should. This guilt manages to sit in the back of my mind, never really leaving. The only thing that keeps me sane is my rationalization that I'm going back to school and shouldn't work so that I can really focus on my studies and long term it'll make things much better for my family and I. Still I find myself torn fighting between ration and guilt. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the exact place I was 5 years ago. At least then I had time on my side. Where did all the time go, by the way? I'm 23 and starting over. Some may say I'm not really that old and still have plenty of time ahead. Well it's hard to see it that way when you had so many plans for yourself and of course that ideal time frame every Mormon girl sets for herself.

I suppose it's a lack of faith on my part. Someone very wise once told me that if we could see the whole big picture of what Heavenly Father has in store for us we would be more than eager to comply, but that's unfortunately not what this life is about. Sometimes we act on faith expecting a certain outcome and when that exact outcome doesn't come about in the time frame that we expected we get upset. Sometimes there is even a negative outcome and we say "Well Heavenly Father, I did what you wanted me to do, and this is what I get?" In our imperfect understanding, we can easily become bitter and frustrated. We lose faith and start to rely on our own judgment solely. We start to become prideful by placing trust in what we think is best for ourselves. We all know how this story ends. Yet some of us hard headed mortals keep falling into this trap, myself not excluded. I'm always amazed by those people who never seem to waver. It seems so simple superficially. Follow God and you'll be happy. I know this to be true, but somehow I still fall short. As I think about it more I know I wasn't sent here to be perfect. Quite the opposite actually. I was sent here to make mistakes. Backwards? Maybe. I was sent here to make mistakes so that I can become perfected. How else do we get there? Phew... God sure has his work cut out for Him with me. :)

Tomorrow I leave for Canada. Back in 10 days!

Hello August

Well, I can't believe I'm actually doing it. I received my orientation packet from Rio Grande and will be starting school Aug. 25. On Tuesday Aug 5 I'll be going to Canada for 10 days to visit my mother in law. I'm pretty excited about it especially since we are going to take a little road trip to Banff, which is supposed to be extremely beautiful. It'll be nice to get away for a bit, though I keep having these fears that Daniel is going to starve without me here. I don't know why I think that... I suppose it makes me feel like I'm needed for his survival, which realistically I know not to be true. Nevertheless, it some odd sense it soothes me.

I keep waiting for something to go wrong in the next few weeks that prevents me from going back to school, and I almost hope for it. As eager as I am to go back, I feel like my mind has turned to mush over the years, and I keep thinking I'm not going to be able to keep up in my classes. Where do all these feelings of self doubt come from??? I was always a fairly capable student, never a genius, but certainly did well enough. A few bumps in the road, and suddenly I feel like a fool who should just accept the life I've led to be the life I'll always have to live with.

Pride keeps me going. And for whatever fuel it costs, I just want to finish school. No more banking please! I know God has His plan for me, but I just would like to enlightened on it. I hope I'm doing the right thing for me and for my family. If I'm not, I'm sure running out of ideas. So here's for Plan A... wish me luck!

Traffic in the Sky

There's traffic in the sky
And it doesn't seem to be getting much better
There's kids playing games on the pavement
Drawing waves on the pavement
Shadows of the planes on the pavement
Its enough to make me cry
But that don't seem like it would make it feel better
Maybe its a dream and if I scream
It will burst at the seams
This whole place will fall to pieces
And then they'd say...

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's not so hard to tell
If you keep on adding stones
Soon the water will be lost in the well

Puzzle pieces in the ground
But no one ever seems to be digging
Instead they're looking up towards the heavens
With their eyes on the heavens
There are shadows on the way to the heavens
It's enough to make me cry
But that don't seem like it would make it feel better
The answers could be found
We could learn from digging down
But no one ever seems to be digging
Instead they'll say...

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's not so hard to tell
If you keep on adding stones
Soon the water will be lost in the well

Words of wisdom all around
But no one ever seems to listen
They're talking about their plans on paper
Building up from the pavement
There are shadows from the scrapers on the pavement
It's enough to make me sigh
But that don't seem like it would make it feel better
The words are still around
But the words are only sounds
And no one ever seems to listen
Instead they'll say

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's really not so hard to tell
If you keep on adding stones
Soon the water will be lost in the well

-Jack Johnson

Back to School?

Yup, in my recent time off I've been doing alot of pondering and praying about what's next. Do I look for another job and get sucked back into the world of banking that I've so desperately wanted to escape for some time now? The hours are great and the pay is decent, but it wasn't really gratifying at all for me. Is it too much to ask for it to be gratifying? Maybe. A few people suggested I go back to school, but I brushed it off. I was filled with excuses like I didn't know when we'd be moving and I'd hate to start and then be stuck here mid semester while my husband goes off to another state. I also had not the slightest clue what I'd want to study. BYU was a joke for me. Not because it was easy at all, because it certainly was quite the opposite. It was more that I did not take it seriously especially my freshman year as someone of my freshman buddies may attest to. I spent the majority of my freshman year screwing around, staying up all night playing goofy night games and breaking into school buildings in the middle of the night to watch movies on the big screen... what was i thinking???! Since I took school so lightly you can probably imagine what my GPA was like. Got a number in your head? Lower. Trust me, much much lower. It was bad. So pretty much going back to school means starting over for me. I wouldn't even want to bother transferring any of my credits because it would hardly be worth it. That GPA would drag me down for a very very long time, and I just don't want that.
Two days ago I finally put my application in to the community college and plan on attending this fall if I can qualify for the in state rates. That's a long story in itself so I won't go into it. I'm looking at going into Dental Hygiene. I figure I'll get most of my pre-req's done here and then transfer to Pima Community College in Arizona, finish up the rest of my pre reqs and then apply to the program. I feel good for the first time a long time about this decision. It's just a matter of following through and hopefully the pieces will fall into place. Prayers are appreciated and any advice as well!

Unemployed

Yesterday was a bad day to say the least. It's official I am no longer employed. After a week of hearing that my job was in limbo due to a bank loss that was incurred by one of my tellers accepting a fraudulent check that I signed off on, a decision was finally made that someone had to take the blame. I pulled the short straw and got the boot. Unbelievable. It was kind of shocking and their was this mixture of fear, rage, and relief.
So what's next? I'm probably only going to be here a few more months and who's going to want to hire me on that basis? I really prefer to not have to lie flat out, but what other choice would I have? US Bank is truly one of the worst places I have ever worked. I worked with great people personally, but as a company they have no appreciation for their employees. Let me rephrase that, they seem to appreciate the people in big suits, but tend to conveniently overlook us little people. Ah, what can you expect from a big company right? Well lucky me, this is not that first national financial instituion I've worked for. Wells Fargo Bank on the other hand, is a great company to work for. I won't lie, I've had many days at that bank where I wanted to shoot myself in the eye. It's a job like any other job, and some days you are simply going to hate it. But Wells Fargo Bank, unlike US Bank who claims to compete, are night and day. Wells Fargo made every effort to show us we were appreciated. They also made it a company wide message and attitude in all ranks of management to find ways to recognize their employees. And this they did. Apparently US Bank has some time of recognition programs, but for some reason I heard very very very little about them. At Wells Fargo Bank, I never feared for my job. They understood that being on a teller involved a much more difficult process than most give credit for. With fraud at the levels that it is today, you are not going to escape having losses. In a perfect world, every teller would catch every bad check and every scam, but then again, in a perfect world there just wouldn't be any fraud to catch. US Bank has instilled fear in all of their employees from the moment I stepped my foot in the door in November 2007. It doesn't take long to see that it only takes one mistake and you are out the door. I was only there a couple of months before I saw the first person lose their job. In the short 8 months that I've been there I've seen at least 3 get the boot. The best thing about the whole situation is that US Bank is too cheap to invest in better training for their employees! It was truly shocking to me witness the complete lack of investment in their employees. Wells Fargo had extensive training for all of their employees, not only as a new employee, but they do continuous training and classes and also have excellent web based training. I could say other wise for US Bank. The list goes on and on and all in all I should be grateful that I don't work for that company anymore, but unfortunately I still have bills to pay.
Daniel would argue we can make it. Sure money will be really tight, but he thinks I should just take a breather for the next few months since the likelihood of him getting the job in AZ is high. I was never really one to leave things to chance. I'm a "control your own destiny" type of person, and don't have much patience for the "wait and see" ideals. But then again... a breather would be sooo nice. I might go visit my mother in law in Canada for a couple of weeks. I don't know. I suppose I will try to adopt this "wait and see" temporarily. Besides after the turmoil of working for US Bank I sure as heck think I deserve this break!